MURPHY'S MORNING

My alarm clock went off late
   (something that I really hate)
   Even though I'm self employed
   it still left me quite annoyed

Threw clothes on(socks don't match)
   And hoping some time I'd snatch
   threw Sue a kiss as I passed by
   thus earning a bad "stink eye"

Jumped into truck, battery dead
   well motherf@#$er I said
   moved car around to get a jump
   slipped on wet grass, fell on rump

Going down the road at last
    thinking all bad luck had passed
    when I hear a thump,thump,thump
    tire was flat with no air pump

As luck would have it, spare flat too
   what the h%ll was I to do?
   Ah! I'll call up oldest son
   he came and we soon got it done

"Thanks and later" was what I said
   down the road I now sped
   a bit too fast I now construe
   in my mirror, lights of blue

Pulled over and how mad I felt
   when cop said "where's your seat belt?"
   ticket for seat belt and speeding
   a loan to pay it I'll be needing

Buckled up, I eased along
   switched radio to hear a song
   a wisp of smoke and then a spark
   to no tune would I soon hark

Now so late it didn't matter
   I'll get a "fast food" breakfast platter
   twelve cars in the drive through line
   I'll eat inside and be just fine

Three people wait to give their order
   to woman from across the border
   her English is both bad and broken
   SO LOUDLY ARE OUR ORDERS SPOKEN

Ten minutes to each order fill
   as my patience approaches nill
   I TELL HER WHAT I WANT TO EAT
   perhaps she got it all complete

Get my bag and hit the door
   (like to give manager "what for")
   I wonder how it could get worse
   thus invoking further curse

Drive with one hand, open bag
   that motherf#$cking freaking hag!
   gave me someone else's food
   I'm way beyond an angry brood

Watch says morning's 'bout to pass
   gauge near empty, get some gas
   pull into my regular place
   go inside, see a new face

Ask for pen to write a check
   wants 2 I.D.'s what the heck!
   wallet's in the truck I think
   so now out the door I slink

Wallet's back at the damned house!
   dig in glove box like a mouse
   nickles, quarters ,and one dime
   morning almost out of time

Finally scratch up buck and a half
   not even one gallon I laugh
   go back in store with paltry cash
   give it to clerk whose teeth gnash

As I leave he says in nasty way
   "Now ya'll have a real good day"