Her Tan Line

I saw her walking the beach
Golden brown tan
A modest two piece bikini
If there is such a thing
Covered her just enough
To drive you crazy
Without seeming easy
I mustered up the courage
To start talking to her
She is very funny
And bright
She knew so much about so much
She liked sports and politics
She was perfect
All night long
Tossing and turning
I could not sleep
As bright as she was
And all the fun that we had
The only thing on my mind
Was her tan line

— hobo, Jun 28, 2010

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

yenti

16 years ago

Hobo

A nice little piece but suggest that you stay off the beach it is going to drive you mad, maybe you needed to be distracted. Your piece seemed to be an after thought though and read as if hurried. Yours, Ian.T

xena465

16 years ago

Very nice Hobo

You naughty boy. I agree with Ian, a little revision would make this so much better. I haven't been to the beach for some time, it sure would be nice to see again some of those bronze male babes that strut their stuff on the beach. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

lou

16 years ago

Dirty Old Man LOL

Enjoyable and very naughty, loved it ,but line 15 to the final line don't flow as well as the rest of the poem , can i suggest you say 'She new so much about science, politics and stuff, i tossed and turned all night ,she was so bright and so much fun, but all that was on my mind was her tan line'. love lou xx

poewriter58

16 years ago

Randy

Not your usual poetry. Perhaps you might describe why she was funny and bright.. Or the thoughts running through your mind while you enjoyed each others company. Sounds like I already know the thoughts lol I agree with Lou lol Needs tweaking IMO Chrys

faithmairee

16 years ago

I Love it

I really like this one just like it is. You do wonderful work, my friend. Kudos and 5 stars from me. ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

scribbler

16 years ago

tan

Now you and I both know it wasn't tan line but what lay beyond that kept you "up" that night lol.Good enjoyable read........scribbler

shirley harrison

16 years ago

L:O:L:

Hobo the Great strikes again! Yes i know someone else who likes tan lines! ever entertaining! L:O:L much love shirl.... shirley harrison

anonymous1

16 years ago

There's only one way to see a tan line...Remember Coppertone?

I can soak up what you're slathering on!! Clever poem. Reminds me of a bathing suit I used to sport in my teen years in SoCal, which left the most interesting belly tan line. There was a little more OZone back and not the worry there is nowadays. Thanks, Lisa

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