Tears from Heaven

I don't see one thing to crit or fix. Nice image and nice poem of yours. You did it again, keep up the good works Mona

This is beautiful my friend. sometimes a good rain can be just what you need to cleanse the soul. great write and read *You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down*

Thanks for letting me play in the rain with you.Its been a long time.well deserving my nom..........scribbler

This is really lovely. I enjoyed it alot. Great write. ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~

beautifully done .. nothing to crit ... I love where your going with your poetry huni love and hugs JayCee x x (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

a nice write reflective of your mood....good use of metaphors too of clouds tears and downpour...nice ending where the rain changes the mood... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)

Oh how refreshing to feel rain after days of heat. Love your poem Love Mand xxx

What a wonderful poem - beautiful, soothing and stimulating...Indeed you have a way of playing with words, I love it. Regards, Moloko

is perfect! I have just a few little things I'd like to point out about stanza one. It sounds fine when I read it in my head, but I always read aloud too. It helps me catch the little things that can cause (sometimes big) problems. Line 2: "I stepped outside into the sunshine.", looks fine typed on the screen. But say it aloud. It sounds a little "off" to me. I stumble over the words "outside into". You could adjust it to "out into" or delete "outside". "I stepped [into] the sunshine." Does that sound better to you when you read it aloud? It does to me. Line 5: "At first I was reluctant to go out". Again, it looks fine on the page. Reads okay aloud too! But it could still be improved so that "less is more". We could adjust that line to "[I hesitated] to go out" which would get rid of three words we don't really need. The line is fine the way it is, this is just another option! Line 6: "...life these days [restricts] me" And the last thing is on line 9: "pouring from the Heaven’s the rain fell" You notice how you've repeated "pour" from "downpour" on line 7? Again, it looks fine on the screen, but the whole thing changes when you read aloud. Having that same word so close together usually makes the reader stumble. It's like they get deja vu and they trip over the words. I would suggest deleting "pouring" and making a few punctuation adjustments to get that line nice and smooth. "[from] the [Heavens,] the rain fell" Just some suggestions, tell me what you think! Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore

Kelsey has good ideas here, and I have to agree. On the whole it is a very good narrative. I love how it feels and smells after a heavy rain. Everything feels new again. Always, Cat

Always, Cat

Nothing to add to Kelsey's fine critique. Reading aloud is a must and yes, it is a learning thing. Sometimes I will put a finished poem aside for a day, then pick it back up and read it aloud as if it is not my poem. That way I find myself more critical of it. Well done ma'am. Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin

????

I keep forgetting your stars! I give stars when I see the workshop in action. You deserve them! :) Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore

You are a great poet Xena, you are too modest of your talents, and this is another great work from you!

I have so enjoyed reading this absolutely wonderous, metaphoric write. What a beautifully expressed, descriptive poem, which flows so smoothly from your creative pen Xena. I adore how the heavy rain downpour both changes and elevates your mood - I can relate to that! A pictorial pen gem Xena, well crafted. I thank you for so very kindly sharing it with me. Blessings, Light, Hugs - Marie

i've truly forgotten what i was going to say now i've finally got down here!!! beautiful poem describing the cleansing of the soul that rain sometimes performs how is your brother rosina? love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Wow Rosi, Stunning Poetry up lifting and very beautifully written. i havent seen this side of your writing, you just get stronger every day its great to see! with much love shirley harrison

They have a name for writes that read this way I often times do this to get the feelings of the write. It helps me when I remember to do it is harder with longer works and when the flow breaks I stop and reverse the read again. Nice very nice Donnie/Sinbad

There's nothing i can add, but it is a good write. Love Lou xx

.....but i like ur poetry i find it as exquisite i feel shy to comment hope u shall excuse me lovedly says lovely poetry i can't write anything like doth thee

An epiphany, that was born in a moment seized. This was wonderful. John

Rosina I love walking in the rain it hides the tears i cry inside a spiritual cleansing of the soul as the sweet rain falling on a metal roof as notes from natures own orchestra singing soft melodies The pavement beneath my feet all washed anew from the early morning dew Behind the clouds lingers the sun glowing through drying up the rain until it falls again Beautiful just beautiful