scribbler

Jun 26, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

DAWN in theDEEPWOODS

Pulse slows from ascent to lofty lair
   in midst of moonless darkness
        eyes adjust to night's monochrome
    a falling star's life ends in triumphant fire

Rustling of the night's creatures
               completing their last hurried tasks

Constellations slowly dim
   announcing coming end of night
   ground fog slowly swirling over a
                          frigid world
                           like a sleepy serpent
In the East blackness releases to gray
   a sign of daylight's yawning
    landscape's features blink on one by one
     as light to see by increases

Hidden sun turning cirrus clouds a pale pink
     Total
            Still
                 silence
night's scuttlers retired, day's denizens
   not yet arrived into windless world

Fog dissapears in longing whisps
    revealing a crystaline white frozen world
    and skeletal leafless trees
        behind which sun blinks sleep from eye

Last star vanishes within a sky
   transforming slowly from gray to blue
   wood duck's whistling wings, unseen
the flicker of nuthatches
breaking the magic of that precarious
                                                         balance
                                            between night and day

Sun's orb finally opens
   clearing the eyelashes of the horizon
   sending multicolored lances
   to bounce off heavy jack frost

The barest hint of air movement
lonely cawing of a solitary crow
answered by a raucous jay
   a distant dog barking

All declaring the end of dawn

— scribbler, Jun 26, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

Critiques

brittle light

15 years 11 months ago

this seems as much your

this seems as much your element as western classic (I read your blog) I have read things on Neo that are amazing, sensational, awesome etc. but this is GOOD! I know it is always a matter of taste in the end...but I respect and enjoy my "taste", and deem this a favorite, and deeply satisfying piece of work. By the way, I enjoy your classic styled work as well...keep a foot in both worlds for all's sake, if you please! "talk" to you again soon AL

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

You know,I still remember "a road less traveled" from JFK's funeral but can't recall 1 line from poem at Obama"s inauguration.I hope this work shows I appreciate the beauty that can be more easily conveyed via other means than"western classic.I choose classic because it can make me sweat bullets to state message in such constricted form.....Bet you didn't expect this "sermon"Ha!Ha!thanks for the read and very kind comment.Might let one little toe dangle in free verse once in a while........scribbler

Beauregard

15 years 11 months ago

oh wow

look at the shape! You're imagery is superb and the form is very cool! I am jealous of your extensive skills that span so many forms, Scribbler :p "Sun's orb finally opens/ clearing the eyelashes of the horizon", I may never forget some Dr. Seuss, some Shakespeare and some Frost, but I definitely won't ever forget those lines either! Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

Thanks Kelsey.I guess it was okay for first free verse.Used shape and form as "boosters" to punctuation.I expect anybody who writes can produce this level if they put forth some effort.Now maybe some will stop thinking of me as a" western classic snob".Appreciate your taking time to read and comment.......scribbler

xena465

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Stan

You are one of the most versatile poets I’ve seen on the site. You try your hand at all different forms and I haven’t seen you disappoint yet. As Kelsey said WoW. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

I greatly appreciate your overly kind words,Zena.It's just a matter of saying the same thing in a different way.fondly...........Stan

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

Much more than OK!

I like all aspects and parts of it, this is my favourite part: "Fog dissapears in longing whisps revealing a crystaline white frozen world and skeletal leafless trees behind which sun blinks sleep from eye" Antoine

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

thanks Antoine.I'm glad you liked it and took time to comment.....scribbler

Novy

15 years 11 months ago

Lovely!

I enjoyed this very much. Novy

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

I appreciate your dropping by and taking time to leave a comment......scribbler

mand

15 years 11 months ago

Imagery is wonderful, I

Imagery is wonderful, I agree with all the above comments, this is showing a different side of your poetical skills. Wonderful Love Mand xxxx

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

Thanks Mand.I think imagery may be easier to convey when not constrained by structure of western classic.But it seems both forms are often ill used.We all have to start somewhere.Thanks for the time to visit and leave such a nice comment....scribbler

Seren

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Stan

you have been busy lol bravo again I loved the shape of this one the words and the sprialing down the page creates a sense of unease brilliant work love and hugs JayCee (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

Glad you enjoyed.Thought of using shape to help with conveying short precarious nature of this time of day.Seems to have worked.Comments much appreciated...Stan

themoonman

15 years 11 months ago

Stan...

I hate to be the one guy, but... for me, some of the lines fall into the category of over-descriptive, very good descriptions, but again, for me, could perhaps have more impact if simpler. It may just be my own personal taste but I thought I'd share my thoughts with you because I think you are very open to honesty. I think you did very well for stepping out of your element... it's something that every writer should do. great job Stan and I hope you aren't taken aback by my thoughts, it is definitely not my intention. Richard

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

dawn

How could I be taken aback by this.After all I'm always telling people"less is more" LOL.Being my 1st free verse,I'll probably leave as is for future gauging of possible future writes in free verse.I do appreciate your comment and time.....Stan

poewriter58

15 years 11 months ago

Stan

I like the descriptiveness of this work ( my opinion) what does unsettle me is the form. If a person has problems with their eyes it can be very disturbing indeed However this does not detract from the beauty of this work. It must have taken a lot of thought to write this as I can see the workmanship in it. Chrys

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

Hmmmm........

Didn't consider that.In any future free verse I'll use my own "less is more"advice in form also.Probably will increase impact when it is used.First draft took about 10 minutes,then came back to off and on for maybe 8 hrs.When I write ,seems the hardest part is finding a subject.thanks for advice.See prior reply to moonman as to why it won't be used in this one instance.......scribbler