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faithmairee
faithmairee
Jun 26, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

along the walkway

it is her job to sweep the walkway
but she can not sweep today
for her heart has just been broken
and the gripping pain won't go away

she has to sweep the walkway
she must do it everyday is she wants pay
there are two dogs she has adopted
or visa versa along the way

she works away her broom in hand
the sun baring down on her fair face
her new found friends just want to play
up and down the walkway they will race

she bids good morning to the cop
as he saunters by and pets the dogs
but he can't stop too long to play
for he's got tickets he must log

she stops along the walkway to wipe
away the tears her lover caused when
he created havoc in her heart so bound
she barely brushed as she swept the walkway down
— faithmairee, Jun 26, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Florida, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Lucille Clifton and Elizabeth Bishop

More from this author

Critiques

faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Feel Free, Friend

I welcome any suggestions that would make this little ditty better. I may not use everything I get but I will certainly consider any suggestions. The reason I always mark moderate consructive criticim is because I don't believe in brutal honesty either giving or receiving it. It can be devastating. It is possible to be tactful and honest at the same time as I know you know. I don't write to please others but if they get pleasure from something I wrote then I am happy. While you're at it would you please enlighten me as to what it means to have your peom nominated for the spotlight, what the % means and what exactly the spotlight is? Thank you, my friend! Love ya-Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
S

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

criticism

I agree with type of criticism.% in spotlight is simply the percentage of people who have read poem that have nominated it to be at top of Neopoet home page.Percentage will vary as more people read poem.Simply a way a reader can show appreciation of work beyond giving 5 stars........scribbler
faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Thank You

I appreciate your explaining that to me. Now, it makes sense! ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
M

magics02

15 years 11 months ago

Okay I shall

When you nominate a poem if you really feel it should be a nomination you just press that yellow box to the left under the poem.I do not nominate all poems. I read it more then once and read it out loud, than I go ahead and use my judgment. It has to create a stir in me and touch me in a certain way. It has to look and flow right but not always either. Here is what I did with your poem. Feel free to take anything from it or trash it as this is only a help for sure to condense the write to flow better. And you gave me the go ahead and have not heard back so let me know and if you want I can delete it if it bothersome to you. You do not have to agree with it for it is only my take on it. It is your poem to do as you wish and no I am never harsh but straight to the point of how I see it or feel it. Or add my opinion or view of it only when the poet says it is okay and only if a block is marked off to respond. It is all up to the poet to accept it or not. No harm is done and no offense is meant. Let me know what you think. Her job is to sweep the walkway everyday she's having a hard time in sweeping today for her heart has been broken her gripping pains won’t go away she has to sweep the walkway everyday to make her pay The two dogs she adopted frolic with her along the way she works away, her broom in her hand sun baring down on her lonely fair face her new found friends just wanting to race up and down the walkway she sweeps today she bids good morning to the duty cop as he saunders petting the dogs as he stops he can’t stop too long to play for he’s got many tickets to write today she stops along the walkway to wipe her tears for a love she had was lost through the year such havoc in her heart so bound she could barely sweep the walkway down Of course it could still use more tweaky but this is what I offer you up for now to see what you think and of course I respect your response for whatever it is faith. I do like this poem/story and felt it as I swept my porch too. Remember it is your poem you DO NOT have to change anything I have written. Mona xoxo
faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you

Ok,thank you, friend. I don't think this is my best poem by any means. I will have to think about this one a while. I appreciate the feedback and did not take offense. Thanks again for taking the time to go over it. Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
M

magics02

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you

THis is a cute poem and with a little work you will be fine. Thanks for commenting back Love at ya gal Mona
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

15 years 11 months ago

Hello

Nice to meet you. You tell a good story. I know you will be making changes to your poem, so I will come back and read the revision. Always, Cat
faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Nice To Meet You, Too

Hi, Cat! Thanks for reading and responding to my poem. I'm glad you liked it! Nice to meet you, too. Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
S

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

walkway

vivid description of having to continue life's tasks in spite of broken heart....scribbler
faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Thank You

Your comment made me smile...thanks, scribbler ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
loved

loved

15 years 11 months ago

UR

... A NATURAL BORN KIND HUMANE AND SENSITIVE POET SOME DAY WE SHALL MEET IN A POEM CALLED DOWN SOUTH MY QUOTA TODAY HAS FINISHED ONE POEM A DAY WILL KEEP ALL CRITICS FAMISHED
faithmairee

faithmairee

15 years 11 months ago

Thank You Loved

For your kind words. You made my heart smile : ) Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
loved

loved

15 years 11 months ago

now i understand

u said DEEP SOUTH I UNDERSTOOD AS DOWN SOUTH WELL DEEP IS BETTER THAN DOWN I SHALL REDO IT DO U WANT IT HOT OR COLD WHICH??????/ HOW UNG R U?????? ACCORDINGLY FRIEND .............