The Unchangeable Price of Freedom

I love this. Your words are wise and straight from the heart. There is a lot of bad in the world, but there is good too. It's just so hard to see it when you live in the midst of poverty, war and all the other crazy actions that happen before our eyes. I’m fortunate to live in Britain. We hear of the destruction of nature, but don’t have this kind of climate. And our country is not at war, but we do have a hand in trying to bring peace to other counties, but; not being political, I don’t know if what we do, as a country; makes any difference. So well done Lil. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

Wow, for someone so young, you are so wise!

This is a good poem. Moloko

This is well written and very insightful. Well done. I would make a couple of suggestion where the flow falters just a wee bit. The world that I have witnessed Suffering from either side A world so focused and distressed So built up on foolish pride ( I would delete the word "up" as it throws it off by one syllable.) These are just a few senses Ideas and thoughts that I keep (delete "that") I’m just stating statistics Freedom will never come cheap The best advice I can give you is to read the poem out loud after writing. You will find each place it stumbles and you can adjust it, then read it aloud again. Work on each place it stumbles until the whole flows off the tongue smoothly. Again, very well done. I enjoyed it very much. Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin

I really love how you put that all. I really like it. great write.

the price of freedom is often paid in blood.Rett beat me to any meaningful critique, but thought I'd let you know I'd dropped in and enjoyed poem.....scribbler

If I could paint the night sky It would be unchangeable Imprisoned dreams from a high Say that I’m incapable The universe confines us We are trapped like timid mice It’s like we’re moving across A disease filled sinful vice The world that I have witnessed Suffering from either side It’s so focused and distressed So built upon foolish pride These are just a few senses Ideas and thoughts that I keep I’m just stating statistics Freedom will never come cheap Each line in this poem so expressive well done Mona

so simply but true this poem from uuuuuuuuuuu

Zach, it's very rare to see such good English skills in a young person (any person)! You must be doing well in school! You definitely have a great musical sense and an unusual maturity in viewing the world around you. The first time I read through this piece, I noticed that 14 of your 16 lines were seven-syllable and two were eight-syllable. I like how you've changed line 11. You now have only one line containing eight syllables, and I think the best way to cut to seven in line 14 is to say: Ideas and thoughts I keep. Or maybe you'll think of a different way to adjust for uniformity. I also suggest a hyphen: disease-filled. Congratulations on your superb talent and accomplishments! I shall be looking in on more of your work in the near future! One of your fans.

You are 13 and write this way Congrats in order as I see by your writing you will become a great singer to come. Keep up the good work Lil Z. You are doing profound here allready. Very impressive Love,Mona

Bravo to you and I would love to hear this in spoken word. Mona

All I can say is wow. You are a wonder.