Tonya

Jun 24, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Life

Release all your frustrations

It releases inhibitions

To view the things around you

With tranquil dispositions

Fulfillments in your senses

Brings fulfillment of the mind

With gifts of lovely visions

Immortal to mankind… shhhh

Night quietly retreats

In night’s given slice of time;

Day leisurely re-opens

To nature’s brighter clime

Swallowtail are dancing

In Swallowtail’s own fashion

Resonate like lovers,

Expending all their passion

Flowers turn their faces,

As flower needs are cued,

Seeking out the sunshine;

To absorb and be renewed…

Death is finally needed;

Though deaths can cause much pain

If life’s been led abounding

There’s no reason to complain

From instincts of the alpha

To instincts of omegas

Life Circle’s dance around us

In a rippling ring of stages

6.24.2010
revised 6.27.2010

©Tonya Greenlee

— Tonya, Jun 24, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Lil Z

15 years 11 months ago

A great write!

This is a brilliant poem! It expresses the beauty of life in all forms, and the beauty in the fact that we are all doomed! Bravo!

Tonya

15 years 11 months ago

and appreciation Lil Z. I am honored by your comments. Yes.. eventually we are. lol Hopefully not until our life has been lived to the fullest and with as few regrets as possible. Thanks again. Always, Tonya

judyanne

15 years 11 months ago

beautiful write tonya

perfect rhyme spoiled a litte with 'omegas' and 'stages', and i'm sorry but i have nothing to offer in its place at the moment never mind, it is still a beautiful write. excellent use of repetition - not too 'in your face' 'Flowers turn their faces, As a flower needs imbued, Seeking out the sunshine; To absorb and be renewed…' - just me, but imbued seems the wrong use of tense here what do you think of 'Flowers turn their faces, As flowers need imbuing, Seeking out the sunshine; for absorption and renewing' ??? love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

judyanne

15 years 11 months ago

i've had a think

can you use any of 'From instincts of the alpha To instinct of omega’s ring Life’s Circle in a staggering of stages Steadily us surrounding'....??? love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Tonya

15 years 11 months ago

oooooooooo....:)

You are right! I like the suggestions and that rhyme.. (see, I'm guilty of it too.. lol) I will work on it. I Have a busy day, so may have to wait a bit for quiet time. Just wanted you to know now how much I appreciate some good constructive input!! Thank you Judy! Always, Tonya p.s. Glad you like it! :)

Arrow

15 years 11 months ago

This theme never gets old.

I don't know if this is some set form but I really like the repetition. It has a lulling effect. This poem flows really well except for one line, which is longer than the rest: Life’s Circle steadily surrounds us. I feel like it needs one or two less syllables. Maybe: Life's Circle fast surrounds us. Of course, steadily has a slower feel so maybe that's not what you want. I wasn't sure if you were using steady in terms of constancy or speed or both. I like this stanza and think the alpha/omega/stages thing is clever. However, I have more a picture of concentric circles in a lake, probably because of the Circle of Life so would choose a word like "rippling" rather than "staggering." Again, that's quite a different image and maybe not what you want. (I'll probably be staggering to my finish line!) A couple of other things: *As a flower needs imbued. I wasn't sure what you were trying to say here. I read Judy's version and that made sense. Here's another: as a flower needs the dew but also seeks the sunshine *(a side issue really) Stanza 3: Aren't the creatures of the night also sublime? *take a look at you possessives (e.g., night's, nature's, Swallowtail's) My favorite stanza was 4 - charming. Nice job.

Tonya

15 years 11 months ago

Oh, Judy and Arrow

You two don’t realize how much I appreciate you both! I made some changes where you suggested….used a few of your words, but tried to keep it my own. When I used imbued…I meant as filled (like needed to be filled with sunshine. But, since it is confusing, I changed it, hopefully for the better. And yes Arrow, nights creatures are sublime too.. lol, so I changed That. I don’t want to offend the Night!  I’m not sure if it is any form…I have some Swallowtails in my yard and occasionally they really make a lot of noise, I liked the repetition that popped into my head on that verse, and wondered if I could carry it throughout the whole poem. (Some words just won’t work At all!) I hope you will let me knowif you think the changes work! I’m sooo glad you liked the work. Always, Tonya

Arrow

15 years 11 months ago

Looks good

I like the changes you made. "Cued" was a good choice since you are talking about the natural course of things and nature does work right on cue. I also like the dancing circle which reminds me of a maypole dance.

Tonya

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks Arrow

Much appreciated the input and thoughts over the final outcome. I hope to be back reading soon. The next couple of weeks are going to be rather hectic. It has felt marvelous to have ideas flowing again. For such a long time, seems there was just nothing! Take care and have a great day. Always, Tonya

judyanne

15 years 11 months ago

i like the changes tonya

love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

Thank you Judy! input from

Thank you Judy! input from you guys really helps! ya know, we may not always use the suggestions people give us..but it does make us stop and rethink what we have written, cause if there are suggestions a lot of times it means something is definetly off and gives us the oppertunity to make it better! xxx Tonya

Australad

15 years 10 months ago

Good stuff!

Intriguing, elegiac and moving poem, that'll keep me coming back for more! Best wishes from Australad aka David

Tonya

15 years 10 months ago

Thank you!

lol, I appreciate you stopping by to read. Would love for you to look at more (although, I am cringing a bit since you mentioned you taught English! lol) I worry about past/present tenses and just proper grammer all around. Don't ever hesitate about telling me if you find something you don't like or needs some corrections. I'm glad you liked the work. Thanks again David. I will look at more of your poetry as well. Always, Tonya