Trophy Girl

There's a ladder in my tights
and my nail polish chipped.
My eyebrows aren't even,
My hair isn't fixed.
Sorry about that,
That I don't snap when you hug me
I forgot I was just a talking trophy.
Sorry that I don't weigh the same as a baby.
I thought maybe,
You'd want me to eat what you gave me.
If I'm wrong, that's okay -
I love fainting everyday.

— evie.haywood, Jun 24, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

shirley harrison

15 years 11 months ago

Trophy girlfriend!

well i have to say inspiring miss Evie Trophy girl friends are for the foolish! wonderful write and welcome to Neo, as i havent seen you here before! shirley harrison

evie.haywood

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you - inspiration was

Thank you - inspiration was the main aim :) Also, I have been here a few months but stopped posting for a while and have just started again... it's good to be back. Evie

Geezer

15 years 11 months ago

I like your theme...

very much, it gave me the picture I think you wanted to show. I think your rhythm is a little awkward, but it can be improved. That I don't snap when you hold me? I'm not sure what that means. Also the line about not weighing the same as a baby. You could probably scratch these lines, and the poem would still make sense, I could re-write it for you, but I think if you do it yourself, you will get more from it. Don't take offense, and don't stop writing for us, but take the advice that the poets here give you, and make the poetry your own. You don't necessarily, have to take everyone's advice, or anyone's advice, just remember that we are here in a workshop. This is where we all come to learn. I myself learn from the others all the time, and I have been here a couple of years. There are some that have been here a lot longer than I, and they will tell you the same. Good luck, and please keep writing, you have great potential. ~ Geezer

evie.haywood

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you for such a

Thank you for such a detailed comment - it was very interesting : ) The lines you mentioned mean exactly what they say. They are referring to a certain pressure that makes you feel as though if you aren't just skin and bones - you aren't good enough. The poem is supposed to be about a boy treating a girl like she is there to be shiny and skinny and beautiful and perfect. This then develops into how it can feel like you will do anything and "that's fine" that all you are there for is to look like a super model on the arm of your boyfriend. Also, I think the lines you mentioned are important to ensure that the emphasis on size and weight is kept - this is important because it is what makes it personal to me, if you read through my poems you will understand what I mean. However, I do value your opinion as as you have said, we learn from others so thank you none the less. : ) Evie

Geezer

15 years 11 months ago

Trophy Girl...

Maybe you could use different lines, to say the same thing? Something like: You want a slender willow, when you put your arms about me. A feather-weight to lift above your head. Just suggestions. If you are too obscure, people will spend too much time wondering what you mean, instead of getting the story. I hope that I have been helpful. As I said, you have great potential, just keep writing, and looking at other people's work, it will help you to realise that potential. Good luck here on Neo. ~ Geezer