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R
raj
Jun 23, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Capturing Blissful Moment

I set out to capture that divine moment
much beyond any measure of time
when your heart first beat within mine
while mine too sang within thine

I fuss with all forms & shapes
I muse with all colors & shades
but none can capture that blissfull moment
so incredibly profound and abstract in state

I lay down my brush and roll back the canvass
reach out for the quill lying beside the ink pot
I roll back the time to that moment of bliss 
which the quill still explores in the abyss...

raj (sublime_ocean)


— raj, Jun 23, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Critiques

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raskin

16 years 1 month ago

I like this one a lot but

I like this one a lot but you may want to look at the use of "moment". Use another word if it works but otherwise I think it is great content. raskin
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raj

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you Raskin

appreciate your comment ...i will surely be taking a re-look at the whole write and tweak it up... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)
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raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hello Annie..

thank you for stopping by to read this one and leaving a nice comment... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)
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poewriter58

16 years 1 month ago

Raj

Lovely as usual. I tend to agree with Raskin the word moment seems out of place or to mundane of a word to be used here how about something like the instant or twinkling of time of that second in time perhaps I'm sure you will find something or perhaps you prefer moment after all these are only suggestions Chrys
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raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hello Chrys...

thank you for dropping your suggestions..i too now tend to agree with both you and Raskin and am considering to withdraw this post and post it again some other time after tweaking it up or even re-doing it completely... warmly ..raj (sublime_ocean)
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Your canvas of words

Nice one ocean and the only word is canvas with one s you see and how are you doing. Missed reading you and hope all is fine by you Love,Mona xoxox
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raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hello Mona...

thank you for stopping by and dropping a comment...as i have mentioned in my response to Chrys and Raskin...i agree that this write needs serious tweaking up which i would be doing after taking off this post for now... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...
xena465

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Raj

You paint an excellent picture...Lovely, just lovely. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
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raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hi ...

thank you Xena for your comment...looking forward to your next write... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..
faithmairee

faithmairee

16 years ago

Very Beautiful

I love the poem...very nicely done. Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem. Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
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raj

16 years ago

thank you for your

thank you for your appreciation but then i must tell you that i would be working on this some more..giving it a few tweaks it surely needs as rightly pointed out by some friends here... looking forward to read more of yours too Faith.. raj (sublime_ocean)
faithmairee

faithmairee

16 years ago

You Are Most Welcome

I got a lot of pleasure reading your wonderful poem. Best regards, Faith ~I never say anything I don't mean nor do I say anything to be mean.~
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years ago

Dear Raj

I love this piece. It is sweet and loving as loving was meant to be. The only thing, is I would change the & to and, as it looks better. My favorite lines are: lay down my brush and roll back the canvass reach out for the quill lying beside the ink pot I roll back the time to that moment of bliss which the quill still explores in the abyss… Brilliant! Always, Cat
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raj

16 years ago

Thank you Cat for stopping

Thank you Cat for stopping by and for your comments and suggestion...i have surprised myself when i find this one is in the spotlight even before i have given a few tweaks it needs ...just imagine i was thinking of a way if i could delete it and repost it afresh later ... warmly raj..(sublime_ocean)..
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Ananzi

16 years ago

Very nice

I have always been drawn to the word moment...because it depicts more than time but emotion too. It strengthens the theme of a line, sentence or stanza, but I do agree about changing it in one or two of the stanza's. Perhaps the second and third. The opening lines already depict the way an artist perceives a particular picture so I would leave that one. But the poem is beautiful nonetheless. So similar to one I have been trying to write, I'll stop now coz i think you pulled it off lol.
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raj

16 years ago

Thank you for your time and

Thank you for your time and lovely comment and also for sharing your thoughts and suggestions which are worthy of consideration.... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)

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