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A SHITTY POEM (so who wants ta read it? ;-) )

This piece is shit, it’s a flop

Something I had better drop

You like ta read it? Then yer blind

 

It really stinks no it reeks

Structure’s fulla holes and leaks

I’d like ta chase it from my mind

 

It’s just no use, this just blows,

Where it leads ta no one knows,

The point ta it, no one can find

 

Such a great waste, all this time

Lookin’ fer some silly rhyme

Why can’t I just leave it behind?

 

I should be a bit more rash,

Fuckin’ throw it in the trash,

If you comment, fellas, please be kind!

 

— Professor Purple, Jun 23, 2010

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Country/Region: CAN

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Critiques

Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

LOL I was almost afraid to

LOL I was almost afraid to check when I saw I had a comment! Glad you like it, it was inspired by Alice Cooper's "The Song That Didn't Rhyme". Antoine
S

scribbler

15 years 11 months ago

poem

better than some of mine lol.Now for critique:Probably the worst epic Haiku ever written.Only flaw seems to be between line1 and line 12.Hope you realize I'm just yanking your chain as poem yanks ours..........scribbler
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

Wow thanks! LOL I wasn’t

Wow thanks! LOL I wasn't even aware it was an epic Haiku, it beats a record! LOL how do I get in touch with the Guiness Book of Records? Antoine
judyanne

judyanne

15 years 11 months ago

title got me in

then it reminded me of my own works - 'Structure’s fulla holes and leaks' once i've written something i can't throw it away no matter how shitty - it always stays a part of me no matter how bad, and i could never throw a part of me away love the tongue in cheek antoine love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks! And I do recommend

Thanks! And I do recommend that to everyone, never throwing away what you write. It can be years or decades before you come back to it, and some things will never be completed, but it's still nice to read it over. And text hardly takes up any memory. Antoine
Beauregard

Beauregard

15 years 11 months ago

LOL

On that last line you could say "please [don't] be kind"! Love the conversational sound of this, "ta", "fulla", all that's wonderful :) And trust me: I am blind! Without my glasses I couldn't read a damn thing! Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore
Rett

Rett

15 years 11 months ago

GAG!

But then, I have some real stinkers! *L* Sorry, the reek was so strong my eyes watered too bad to read it. Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

You're all so kind!

So how can I make it worse? I'll keep the ending as is for now, "please be kind", and I have some inconsistencies with the "ta", "your" should be "yer", but I won't "bump" it up the stream for that. Antoine
SH

shirley harrison

15 years 11 months ago

L:O:L

this is a wonderful example of what i think of my own stuff most days so "well done" really i think it has alot of humour,sometimes we need a bit of light hearted poetry! i really enjoyed! and the title "brilliant" shirley harrison
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Antoine

ROTFLMAO! Thanks, you really gave me a good laugh today. A real pick me up. Favorite lines: It’s just no use, this just blows, Where it leads ta no one knows, The point ta it, no one can find Always, Cat
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks Cat,

I just edited this one shortly before you commented, made the conversational tone more consistent and added the fourth stanza. Glad you liked it! Antoine