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LZ

Conversation with Dad part 1: Reality Check

(Dad): Music for consideration?! (Son): Clearly, I see your frustration            In this “pleasant” conversation            So let’s discuss the lot (Dad): You’ve become crazy, where’s my belt?!(Son): Right there Dad! I need a good welt!            It’d take more than I’d ever felt            To leave my dreams to rot (Dad): You’ll never win, I’ll say again!(Son): I need some paper, grab a pen!            I’ve worked hard, to be what I am            You know not what I want (Dad): Your dreamed up future can’t come true            Everyone knows this! Why don’t you?!            Pick safe fallbacks, jobs you can do            This! A life you could flaunt (Son): Wrong to dream?! Than call me guilty            I’d rather this, than be safely            Closed away from living risky            Leave the unharmed to ache (Dad): Whoever signs you, has no taste!            No talent boy! Enormous waste!            Accepting you?! Utter disgrace!            Listen for your own sake! (Son): I’ve always listened! All I hear,           Ramblings of anger, mixed with fear,           Telling me, that I must adhere           To their ideas of me            To these ideas, I shan’t conform           Dad, I’m me!  In way, shape and form           Hoping to whether life’s dull storm--           Simple reality
— Lil Z, Jun 23, 2010

Critiques

S

Sara

16 years 1 month ago

Oh wow!

This is your best poem yet! A great write, is this how your father-son relationship is? (If you don't mind me asking)
LZ

Lil Z

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you so much Sara!

Thank you so much for your comments and support. As for my relationship with my dad, I shall open up about that later, but as for right now, I shall leave it a mystery!
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Lil Z

I dont think ive read one from you before so Hello and welcome to Neopoet loved this one nicely done kind regards Jayne-Chloe (“In time we hate that which we often fear.” William Shakespeare quote)
LZ

Lil Z

16 years 1 month ago

Hello!

Thank you very much for your supportive comment Jayne-Chloe! It's a pleasure to meet you.
xena465

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Very Clever Lil

What a great idea for a poem...I love it. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
LZ

Lil Z

16 years 1 month ago

Hey thanks!

Thanks Xena! At first I was a little nervous about posting this one, but I'm glad everyone's liking it so far. It gives me a big confidence boost!
jetz

jetz

16 years 1 month ago

Hi Z, May I, too, welcome

Hi Z, May I, too, welcome you to the site. This is very cleverly done. Since it says part 1, I look foward to reading part 2. Sue/Jetz
MM

Moloko D. Mahuma

16 years ago

Dear Liz

Brilliant, brilliant! Nominated Regards, Moloko
LZ

Lil Z

16 years ago

Wow!

I'm honored to have earned such high appraisal from a writer like yourself, thank you!
mona

mona

16 years ago

OH Lil Z

What a lovely conversation between the father and his son. Mona
Professor Purple

Professor Purple

16 years ago

Wow, wow, WOW!

I also look forward to reading the rest. It's like the screen is a canvas and you use the english language like a colour palette, and come up with shapes and colours I've never seen before. Hope I made some sense there... Just one thing: it would be "weather" the storm. I just checked on dictionary.com. Antoine
LZ

Lil Z

16 years ago

Thank you Antoine!

Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate your sentiment. The "whether" that I put in there was for added depth, it was put in there on purpose. The other metaphor I used was "leave the unharmed to ache", you have a great eye though, I'm impressed you caught that!
M

magics02

16 years ago

Really nice here

Nice to have you on board and welcome here. As I read this I thought this poet could write a very well planned out novel, that is what came to mind. Bravo new one a job well done. Magics Mona
LZ

Lil Z

16 years ago

I'm honored!

Yeah, this actually originated from a rap song I wrote, and I just changed up the structure and flow of the syllables and went to town. It's an honor to be held in such high regards from such talented poets as yourselves, thank you Magics Mona!
R

raj

16 years ago

A very well dramatized act

A very well dramatized act in words...i could listen to the dad and son characterizing it...you have narrated the issues of the generation gap so very well in this write...it felt like watching a reality show so good is the imagery.... like my mates here have done before me i too extend to you a warm welcome to Neopoets.. warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...
LZ

Lil Z

16 years ago

Thank you Raj

Thank you for the warm welcome, and your comment is appreciated!
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years ago

bloody well written and well stated

to me the last line falls flat, no reality is simple, but it didn't stop me nominating. Hoping to whether life’s dull storm– [weather] Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible,

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