I Didn't Like The Play, But I Saw It Under Adverse Conditions

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I Didn't Like The Play, But I Saw It Under Adverse Conditions

I didn't like the play,
but I saw it under adverse conditions.

They didn’t let me
repeat the words of the actors
out loud
to myself
in my pirate voice.

Hamlet barely sees
his father’s ghost
when the stage manager
comes to me,
says,
“Excuse me.
You sir.
You must be quiet.
You’re causing a disturbance.”

I tell him the honest truth of the matter.
“I like it when
people tell stories
pretending to be
other people in a story,
but I like
their stories
better
when I
tell them to myself,
and my favorite stories
have always been
pirate stories.”

He tells me I can choose
to remain quiet
or to leave.

I tell him,
“All I know is that
your young theater intern,
who came on before the play,
ONLY told us
to turn off cells phones and beepers,
that no photography or recording of
any kind was permitted,
and that if we had any throat drops or hard candies,
we should unwrap them now.
That’s it."

"She gave no specific prohibition,
and most certainly did not say,
‘reciting the play to yourself
out loud
in a pirate voice
is strictly forbidden.’”

He escorts me to the ticket booth
and gives me a refund.

I consider using it to go to the other theatre.
They call it the “Active Theatre.”
You’re encouraged to do
whatever you want in the audience.
Everyone there is
playing the banjo
building picnic benches
wrestling their dates into submission holds
flying radio-controlled helicopters
playing charades.

In different sections of the audience
there are often
workshops on beading or
home repair
lectures on Heidegger
archery lessons
protests about foie gras.

They also have a great tradition of
everyone constantly yelling “Fire!”

Occasionally someone will
jump onto the stage
from a side balcony box
shouting,
“Sic semper tyrannis!”
but it's a long jump -
and they always break a limb.

And the show just goes on
until the lights come up
and they flood the theatre,
at which time it’s also tradition
for everyone to cry out,
“Man the lifeboats!”
and everyone goes off,
in a surprisingly very orderly fashion,
to drink off their night
at the theater.

I like the concept of the “Active Theatre,”
but because most all of their plays
are just nude men on stage being statues
without any dialogue,
I rarely go,
as these plays don’t make
for very good pirate stories.


©Thomas Gabriele Busillo

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