"Flying on the wing of an Angel"

lovely poem and beautiful thoughts there shirley i feel it needs a few tweaks the first stanza has too many 'so's i think and some of the rhyme seems forced (using words simply to rhyme) and inappropriate for example, 'A sense of calm And a sense of trust I wonder who this Angel is As we glide and thrust' sounds (to me, mind, that you're having sexual intercourse - maybe that's what happens with angels ???) but i would prefer something like 'A sense of calm And a sense of trust I wonder who this Angel is As we glide above the dust' (just a quick thought mind - i'm sure you can think of something better - just as your writes are getting better and better shirley harrison.) love to you judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

This is so lovely Shirley I felt like I was flying on that wing having a glimpse of Heaven and lost loved ones. A suggestion for the first stanza to omit so, as you repeat it more than you need to… In a moment of desperation My eyes filled with tears I feel alone with so many fears Also on this line… Next time {you} feeling low ………..[you’re] Just want to help my wee pal. PS. While I was writing this our lovely Judy had the same thoughts, sorry. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

There are some good expressive passages here although there are also some parts where the flow rather breaks down and where perhaps the imagery you have chosen does not work well for me. With the first verse I agree completely with Xena, there are too many "sos" and her suggested edit is good. For the second verse I find it hard to imagine a lightening bolt with the kindest nature (it is sudden, wild and distinctly elemental). The varied line length also detracts from a smooth rhythm. How about: "Suddenly, without warning, A blue-white luminous star's tender apparitition, caresses away my pain breath stolen by her beauty." I felt the third verse needed to be a little stronger emotionally. How about As she takes flight carried on her wings pain and fear release my burdened heart filling it with the peace of pure spirit and soul At last I feel I'm in control. A sense of calm a tranquil sigh, I wonder who this Angel is As the world passes by. The next verse just needs a few minor tweaks: I feel so safe Her eyes I do not see As she carries me away Upon her magic journey Lying on her feathers Of silk so pure and soft my breath caught smile urging her aloft. I leave the rest for you to consider lol. Ciao Keith

Went ahead and gave 5 because everybody beat me to suggestions which I know you'll consider in in a later rewrite.Just as a note, When I try to maintain rhythm or rhyme I often find I have to change FIRST of rhyming words in order to keep intent intact.Very nice, especially verse 5...........scribbler

Hello Shirley! what a lovely piece, words like peace, calm, trust, smiling etc all positive images wrapped up in angels wings. I love your imagination Shirl. Keep posting and Keep safe Lots of Love Mand xxxx

its all be said before me lovely write ... nicely done love and hugs JayCee (“In time we hate that which we often fear.” William Shakespeare quote)

Sometimes we really need an angel to come along and save us. some angels have wings and some angels use a pen. great write my friend, great write You can never pick anyone up if you are busy putting them down

wow, this poem is great, for all who can imagine that heavenly gate:) deep poem i really enjoyed it:) thx