judyanne

Jun 22, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

One

One exploded expansively into silent splinters

sending prismatic whole fragments of completeness

through the perfection of the Pillars of Knowledge

spiralling

tumbling

falling

into the manifest of the mirror of forgetfulness.

Forasmuch we desired to look ourself in the face

deed answered thought.

And since it is impossible to view the whole at the one moment

every heart holds a separate world.

— judyanne, Jun 22, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

Critiques

lou

16 years 1 month ago

Hi

I really like the use of language ,and the poem flows nicely. lou xx

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

lou

thank you judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Super write Judy

I guess we seldom see the beauty that is right there in front of us: "Every heart holds a separate world"...I love this. I think you may have typed this line wrong by mistake... {Forasmuch we desired to look ourself in the face}....... [For as much we desired to look ourselves in the face] Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thanks rosina

but no - i meant it in the singular - we are one thanks again - appreciate your picking it up and thanks for the lovely comment love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thank you very much annie

for visiting and for your supportive comment love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

scribbler

16 years 1 month ago

heres ol' dummy

again.Still trying to understand free verse."Mirror of forgetfulness"is very good and seems the heart of poem.skillful use of"shape" form with "spiraling,tumbling,falling". fondly........scribbler

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

me too scribbler - you aint no dummy

i really have no idea what i'm doing - i just write it as it feels still hopefully waiting for someone to really critique me and tell me if i'm on the correct path or not. thanks for the visit and the insightful comment love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago

Dearest judy

i love this "every heart holds a seperate world" so true! fantastic piece Judy i send to you much love from me. shirley harrison

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thank you shirley harrison :)

much love back to you from me love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dearest Judd

I loved that last line Judd every heart holds a separate world only one suggestion I would make for this ?? "Forasmuch as we desire to look ourself in the face in deed answered thought." has better rhythm and the message for me is clearer hun there is no right or wrong in Freestyle ... or blank verse your doing beautifully love and big hugs JayCee x x x (“In time we hate that which we often fear.” William Shakespeare quote)

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thanks jc

but 'in deed answered thought' doesn't really say it for me..... i understand the rhythm you're missing, perhaps a comma after 'face' or 'so deed amswered thought'??? what do you think? thanks for the supportive comments and the lesson in free and blank verse xxxx love and hugs judd xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

slybard

16 years 1 month ago

The use of language...

Love the use of language. Nice poem. And about free verse and blank verse: I agree with Jayce. Ain't nothing wrong with it!

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thanks very much josh

for the visit and comment - greatly appreciated love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Mark

16 years 1 month ago

Some say the end of a line

Some say that the end of a line signifies a stop (comma or period) that it is understood. I think a poet does what need be done. A comma could go after face but I did in fact stop there. Thought provoking and I see the language as perfect. A great reading, Judy, Thanks, Mark people who hate attract people who hate and in the end they all end up hating each other

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

thanks mark-sillybull

your supportive and confidence-building comments are very greatly appreciated love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

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