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D
Dalton
Jun 19, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Beyond The Clouds

He said: If you love God why do you not bear his emblem?

She Said: His emblem is in my heart

He Said: If you love God why do you not read His Bible?

She said: His Bible is beneath my heart

He said: If you love God why do you not attend His Church?

She said: His church is my heart...
— Dalton, Jun 19, 2010

About the Author

Country/Region: The Celestial River

Favorite Poets: Shane MacGowan, Dylan Thomas, Qays ibn Al-Mulawwah, Wallada bint al-Mustakfi, Rumi, Khalil Gibran, Yona Wallach, Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Eluard, Brendan Behan, James Clarence Mangan, William Blake, Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Forough Farrokhzad, Thomas Chatterton

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Critiques

lou

lou

16 years 1 month ago

hi

You could take out the he said and she said it gets in the way, it might flow better this way. If you love God why do you not bear his emblem in your heart, and if you love good read his bible and keep it beneath your heart,attend his church and keep it in your soul. Obviously that might change what you wanted to say, so maybe just say something other than he said , she said. lou xx
BW

Bluesky Woman

16 years 1 month ago

I disagree with Lou, John

I disagree with Lou, John Dalton, I love the dialogue and the rhythm of it when reading it aloud... my only complaint is that I wish there were more of it... lovely, and so so true... his church is in my heart... (and hers too...) hugs, Leigh "The true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air, but simply walking on this earth." Thich Nhat Hanh
D

Dalton

16 years 1 month ago

I saw a film

I saw a film in french the other night, called: "Beyond The Clouds" with many great french actors... "Irene Jacob (who you know i love), Jean Reno, and some others, and Peter Weller (Naked Lunch), and John Malkovich (Dangerous Liasons), there was a line in the film, when Irene Jacob was walking with a man she had just met on the way to church (she was to join a convent the next day) he said something like: "What if I were to give my love to you?" she said "That would be like lighting a candle in a room full of light." I love that line, and I suppose it got me thinking. john xxx
D

Dalton

16 years 1 month ago

thankyou both

thankyou both, I didn't really think anyone would take this this one seriously. as a piece of poetry that is. the heart is where God dwells, whatever you choose to call Him/Her. this was just an idea for a poem. I thought I'd either be ignored or slated out of the water for this one. hope you are both well and will look forward to your new works. john
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

How about this for a title

Beneath My Heart I will come back to this and re-read it but I will tell you I like it and it does need a minor here and there. Will come back I liked it short and to the point. Mona
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

this is so good dalton

i too like it the way it is with the dialogue how about 'my heart' as a title? love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

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