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themoonman
themoonman
Jun 19, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

My Opponent

The nemesis is me,
my own murky cravings.

And I've always known

but blamed him and them
and most certainly you.

Pissing in my corner
stenching up the norm
witnessing diminishings
another skin is torn

Don't try to console me,
I'll defecate your truth.
The other me will never bend,
and sadly
 ...neither will you.
— themoonman, Jun 19, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

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Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Richard this is an inner

Richard this is an inner battle in balance in self .. brilliant write ... sorry cant find anything to crit lol I did try brava love and hugs Jaycee x x x (“In time we hate that which we often fear.” William Shakespeare quote)
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 1 month ago

Jayne...

One can only hope for brilliance, I'll never achieve it... but thanks, Richard
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

excellent write richard

Pissing my own corner (i would put an 'ín' in there) 'Pissing in my own corner stenching up the norm' ( well that's the best i can do as this is a perfect write to my ears... except i think 'deficate' is spelt 'defecate') love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

excellent write richard

Pissing my own corner (i would put an 'ín' in there) 'Pissing in my own corner stenching up the norm' ( well that's the best i can do as this is a perfect write to my ears... except i think 'deficate' is spelt 'defecate') love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 1 month ago

Judy...

thank you for your critique... I wanted the six beats in that line, and "witnessing diminishings",anyway, I did agree about the "in", so I changed the line to accommodate it. Spelling, damn spell-check isn't working on my "submit a poem", and I obviously need it very badly. It was spelled correctly on my computer in "Word", but, between there and my wayward mind and fingers came out wrong. thanks again... very much appreciate your keen eye. Richard
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Good pickup Judd … I

Good pickup Judd ... I missed the 'in' I think it would help with flow as well double posts are called site hiccups lol love JayCee x x x (“In time we hate that which we often fear.” William Shakespeare quote)
lou

lou

16 years 1 month ago

Wow

Dark, we all have two sides, great write. But I was thinking you could say "My nemesis,"rather than "The nemesis," because it is your opponent ? love lou xx
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 1 month ago

Hi Lou...

thank you for the suggestion... I think that either one will work, I chose to go with "the" merely for the offset of sound... but, it isn't written in stone. thanks Richard
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Richard

You touched a cord with the eddy styx in me. This poem is very styxian. Always, Cat
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 1 month ago

Cat...

well that is indeed an honor... thank you my friend Richard
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

16 years 1 month ago

Hey Richard

LOL Good God, how MANY times have I felt like this? Third stanza seriously rocks. Nominated. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

Loved it, glad to have

Loved it, glad to have caught this in spotlight Moonman, Great write. No suggestions others got here first, lol. Thanks for making me smile. Again! Julie D.D.
loved

loved

16 years 1 month ago

UNIQUE

UR WORK IS..........
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 1 month ago

Spotlight on the moonman...

This write seems to be the darkside of the moonman. I can really appreciate this one. Might be fun to come to my Chat on the Darkside some time. You could possibly enjoy it! If I remeber right, you have said you like Pink Floyd, and this somehow reminds me of something they wrote, or might have written. Congrats on the spotlight! ~ Gee
xena465

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Hi Richard

I love the anger in this. You know the stanza that is creating the spelling problems, how about changing it to... Pissing in my corner reeking up the norm witnessing failings another skin is torn I don’t know if this change spoils the poetry form, as I’m clueless with this. But this change I’ve made is still stating the same thing. Xena Quote: Science is what you know; philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
themoonman

themoonman

16 years ago

Thanks all...

Troddew, Jim, Julie, Loved and Guy... so appreciate the read, I am late getting back to my own write and there is no excuse... sorry. Xena... I appreciate the suggestions, what I have now is a revision, thank you for your time and thoughts. This poem still isn't quite finished, I am not happy with it just yet. Richard
loved

loved

16 years ago

Thou shall not

.....bend the world does bow to thee, if you are the moonman what can others ever be? but the sheen of your reflection have mercy let God be with me...
P

poewriter58

16 years ago

Richard

Outstanding. This poem seethed with self hatred and that of others. Perhaps there is another meaning or I may be reading to much into it ? Chrys

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