OH NO !

I've got to go on a crash diet
  and grow a head of hair
  whatever works, well I shall try it
  to stop my head from being bare

I need to trim my mustache neat
  and shave 'most every day
  and again, watch what I eat
  so some of me will go away

Trim the hair in ears and nose
  clip nails on fingers and on toes
  use drops to allay blood-shot eyes
  work out the jiggle in my thighs

Can't do much about my limp
  but everybody knows I'm gimp
  I'll go to dentist, he'll bequeth
  some of that stuff that whitens teeth

I need to buy some new clothes too
  my old wardrobe ? it just won't do
  and get new shoes to cover feet
  transformation needs to be complete

Got to do this all real fast
  remaining time will not long last
  why worry 'bout how fast time passes?
  my better half is getting glasses !