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invisible

dear high school kids,

i was the girl who you passed in the halls.
i was the girl who always sat near walls.
i kept to myself and never spoke.
none of you talked to me or cared if i had choked.
none of you cared about me.
and no one was brave enough to see.
none of you knew the real me.
you never wanted anything to do with me.
the day before this note was wrote a boy who had friends who cared.
looked at me while i was crying and scared.
his eyes were deep blue and to die for.
i didn't think he even knew who i was.
every time we passed each other in the hallway.
i looked at me with out turning away.
i feel bad for him about what i did.

i wrote this note to show all the kids
that ignoring a person is wrong.
that boy is alone now. 
and i am dead but i will see him someday.
no matter what all the kids say.


love,
invisible <3 


— thedifference5457, Jun 15, 2010

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Critiques

DD

diana duncan

15 years 11 months ago

Invisible

I am working at a high school so your poem gels with me. I don't really understand it but I think that poetry should say something without revealing everything. I feel the pain behind it - I hope that in writing this poem you have expressed things that needed to be said. Keep it up :-)
T

thegodshatter2

15 years 11 months ago

why

how can you not understand what the meaning is behind this. you work at a high school and all you can get out of this is the pain. there is so much more there that can be seen and felt. i hope that if you have kids you can connect with them more than you showed here.
DD

diana duncan

15 years 11 months ago

Connections

It is forty years since I was a teenager and my own kids are 30 and 28. When studying English Lit to "A" Level, I saw that everybody interprets creative writing differently according to their own experiences. I connect very well with the students at the school where I work and they are constantly a source of joy to me. I especially love "Soccer Fridays" when the kids shed their formal uniforms for jeans and soccer shirts and they revel in being themselves.
T

thegodshatter2

15 years 11 months ago

faith

the only reason i didn't give it 5 is because of the fact of not being as smooth flowing as it should be. other than that nothing. keep writing, Joshua Sky Smith