Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

M
magics02
Jun 09, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

If I Were A Meadow

 

If I were a meadow

would you lay down beside me

feel the soft whisper

gently against my knee
 

Yellow daisies are dancing

in a field of fragrant flowers

waving delicately in thin air

whiling away the hours
 

If I were a meadow

would you skip through me

cascading light feathers

falling upon thee
 

Gleefully, skipping

carefree like a breeze

greeting me, this meadow of love

would you lay down beside me


 

mms 6.09.10


 


 

— magics02, Jun 09, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Florida, USA

Favorite Poets: :)

More from this author

Critiques

lou

lou

16 years 1 month ago

Pretty

Pretty poem, you have captured the feeling of a lovely day. But there are a couple of tiny mistakes, in the 2nd stanza you say grazing, maybe you meant gazing ? also it should be daisies not daisie's, I love this poem, well written Mona !!! love lou xx
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you Lou

I changed it to gazing but hesitated at first and then this is my thought. Grazing fields of flowers but I see what you see also could be gazing too. Also the daises and yes you are correct for me and my apostrophe's and my s. Thank you for reading and feedback I did this one fast and I am glad you liked it. I actually tweaked it up more this morning,Let me if it still sounds good. Love Mona
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

magic mona !!

but 'Yellow daisies are dancing in a field of fragrant flowers gazing delicately in the thin air would you be there' is out of sync in rhyme with the other verses. would you consider something such as - 'Yellow daisies are dancing in a field of fragrant flowers gazing delicately in the thin air whiling away the hours' ? love judy-jane xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you

yes as I read it again I knew I needed to work on it more and I see what you and Jayne meant..The verse was off. I did some tweaks and used some of yours and te tweaked it up more, I will probably come back more and let me know how it sounds now. I do appreciate you Love,Mona xoxox
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

great magic

lovely you thought my suggestion worthwhile thank you but 'Yellow daisies are dancing in a field of fragrant flowers scenes ever so enchanting whiling away the hours' loses the flow of your original lovely thought in this verse i think i would prefer - but it is just me of course 'waving delicately in the thin air whiling away the hours’ ? love judy-jane xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Mona

Loved this one huni I would have given you five stars lol but the second verse loosing the rhyme just lost the rhythm for me and threw me off ... I love Judd's idea and if you would like more Ideas I am happy to offer some :) love and hugs JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks I didnt

Meant it to be a rhyming one and sometimes some of it could rhyme, I will work on it a little to brush it up. All ideas are welcomed without me loosing my image or yours. Hope all is well by you Love Mona I see what you and Judy meant and worked on it a little bit, hope it is flowing as te flowers in the meadows mean so much to me, At work at lunh falling asleep here. LOL thanks again:)
mand

mand

16 years 1 month ago

nice imagery Mona, I always

nice imagery Mona, I always like reading your poems because they are poitive and uplifting. Love in the meadows is such a lovely image. Keep it up Love Mand xxxx
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Yes thank you Mand

And how grand to see Mand again. I appreciate your comments and your visit all the time. If you ever see anythinng that should not be in the poem or something that would fit better please let me know..love ya Mona xxxoox
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Much Bettera Mona :) great

Much Bettera Mona :) great grammer eh lol love and hugs JayCee Smiles ;) ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

thank you so Jayne

I just read Judy's response too so maybe I will lay in this meadow for a minute and come back to it, YOu know I love all everyones feedback very much. Love Mona
SH

shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago

Magic Mona!

i think you should write a romance Novel! i think you would be a beautiful novelist! wonderful poem! shirley harrison
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you SHirley

for your visit and yes I even considered that one time, now if I could only get my first poetry book done. LOL how is everything in my beautiful country of Italy and how are you doing lady? Love Mona
sunscreen

sunscreen

16 years 1 month ago

If you were a meadow Ms.

If you were a meadow Ms. Mona you would be considered the garden of Eden, and everyone would make attempt to move into you barrier, so that they might share the beauty you posses, but share not, for they will rape your woodland, and form houses on your soil, and drive your animals to extinction. Much love, Alex.
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

LOL I just love your little story

Hey there sun how are you?? Missed you around here and thank you for the visit and your comments. I think you could write a story along those lines. How is life been to you lately I need to catch up to your sunrays and yes don't forget that summer is here so make sure you DO wear the sunscreen. You should visit us in chat this Saturday nite it is alot of fun and we miss you in there too!! Love and hugs at you Mona xoxoxo
sunscreen

sunscreen

16 years 1 month ago

I’ve been very busy with

I've been very busy with my loved one, so I have not been able to spend much time around a computer, we've been swimming, However we don't wear sunscreen, because its easier to tan if you get burned. I regret, that I could not bet in the chat Saturday night, as I was at a concert. I hope it was just as fun, as if I had been there. Much love, Alex.
S

scribbler

16 years 1 month ago

meadow

beautiful imagery Mona.no corrections not already mentioned.Always have such good subjects.........Stan
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you my Scribe!!

Always a pleasure to see you on my page and thank you for the comments and always your smile:) Love,Mona xoxoxo
M

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

LOL

I had a time to open this link and when I finally did I seen it. Only in the meadow was just I and you were close there Indi. ALso the hills and the many different colors. How I would love to find a meadow somewhere and go there to write, that would be ultimate for me away from the constant chatter of life...lol I love to go to the river also and being in the nature and all the quietness of people and cars and phones ringing is what I call meadowy. Thanks for the comments

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in