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T
TimeIsNotAPromise
Jun 08, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

a very true lie

"This must be a lie" he said,
"For Igive you all of my heart,
But only one can love."
And the wrong one did.
— TimeIsNotAPromise, Jun 08, 2010
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Critiques

Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 1 month ago

Wow,

this is a lot to think about in such a tiny space! It's very evocative; it makes me step back and I'm just speechless for a moment. I also like your use of dialog, really interesting. 1.2: "For Igive" --> 'For I give" Also, perhaps, on the third line, "But only one can love", could be written a little more clearly, if I understand it correctly, as something like 'But you can only be loved by one' or 'But only one love can pick you' or even 'But only one can ask for your heart' I really enjoyed this! I will add you to my buddy list so I can keep up with your other poems. Kelsey
T

TimeIsNotAPromise

16 years 1 month ago

thanx

i will edit it a little i was affrid someone would misread it that way though, this is actualy something a friend of mines boyfriend said and i think he was trying to say that he loved her but that it wasnt posible for her to love him back the same way still i agree that changing the idea some what the way you've recomended would help the message to get across a little smoother thank you p.s. i dont think the last line was very clear so ill explain that in the end he cheated on her so "the wrong one" loved
Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you for the explanation

I got the message that something went wrong, and I also felt like this was something that was really said to someone. The one of the beauties of poetry is that the meaning can be portrayed even if the actual words are a little unclear. I'm not sure if that really makes sense. I guess I mean that the poet and the reader can connect even if the reader doesn't fully understand the poem. Kelsey

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