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Blind date (for Shirley)

Well, we met on this siteQuite late Friday nightShe was gorgeous from what I could see   Her photo looked fineSo I sent her mineIt was clear that she quite fancied me Then her profile I read, andHere’s what it said“I am slim, I am leggy and fair”I was sorely impressedSo I thought it was bestI invited her out then and there Now, the place for the meetWas a pub on our streetNext evening about seven thirtyI had a hot showerAnd smelled like a flowerDon’t want her to think that I’m dirty It was nearing the timeI’d washed off the grimeI dressed and I’d made me some grubBut my heart skipped a beatAnd I just couldn’t eatSo I takes myself off to the pub Well I had one or twoYou know, as you do   To build up my nerve for the dateWith one eye on the doorAnd then just a few moreI was praying she wouldn’t be late I was checking the clockWhen I got quite a shockShe was there right in front of my eyesWell I tried not to stareAt her head with no hairAt her chest or her gigantic thighs Then she said “Hello mate,I am here for that dateI’m Doris and you must Fred ?”Well, I looks in her eyes, andI quickly replies“I’m his twin, my poor brother is dead” Well, I leapt from my seatI was up on my feetI’d got outsideAs quick as a winkAfter such a big shockI went round the blockAnd had me another stiff drink
— shazbat, Jun 08, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Norfolk, UK, GBR

Favorite Poets: Kipling, T.S Eliot, Hilaire Belloc, Ogden Nash, Spike Milligan and many more.

More from this author

Critiques

SH

shirley harrison

16 years ago

Dear John!!! L:O:R:L

its brilliant i love it so many funny things well done! "your my Hero"! shirley harrison
shazbat

shazbat

16 years ago

Glad you like it Shirl, I

Glad you like it Shirl, I only wrote it because of your comments on the other one, so in a way this is all your fault :) John
shazbat

shazbat

16 years ago

Thank you young lady, this

Thank you young lady, this was fun to write, I haven't met Shirley tho, she lives about 1000 miles away in Italy, but she commented on another poem and suggested writing about a blind date going awry and here it is. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it. Regards John
SH

shirley harrison

16 years ago

Dear John Are you sure we

Dear John Are you sure we havent Dated! l:o.l coz your poem is a very good description!L:O:L My name used to be Doris i changed it from Boris Now its just shirl....L:O:L shirley harrison
shazbat

shazbat

16 years ago

Funny you should say that, I

Funny you should say that, I went out with a girl in barking who looked a lot like you and her name was Shirley, but then she'd be much older than you are. John
Seren

Seren

16 years ago

Dear John

Big Smile I count Shirley as a good mate thanks for this ,... I am still smiling ... well done love and hugs JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
SH

shirley harrison

16 years ago

i have just read it around

i have just read it around five times! i think you could sell this as a screen play or to Hollywood we could be the leads! L:O:L there is definately alot of fun in this poem I just love it! shirley harrison
shazbat

shazbat

16 years ago

Shirl if you do the

Shirl if you do the groundwork i'll be up for it, but I'd want at least fifty quid and a bacon butty. John
SH

shirley harrison

16 years ago

a done deal!

dont forget i'm a londerner i will even throw in a tin of beans! L:O:L can this play be medevil though i like the outfits! i do know steven spielberg,he arranged my blind date!!!!!!! shirley harrison