Blind date (for Shirley)

Well, we met on this siteQuite late Friday nightShe was gorgeous from what I could see   Her photo looked fineSo I sent her mineIt was clear that she quite fancied me Then her profile I read, andHere’s what it said“I am slim, I am leggy and fair”I was sorely impressedSo I thought it was bestI invited her out then and there Now, the place for the meetWas a pub on our streetNext evening about seven thirtyI had a hot showerAnd smelled like a flowerDon’t want her to think that I’m dirty It was nearing the timeI’d washed off the grimeI dressed and I’d made me some grubBut my heart skipped a beatAnd I just couldn’t eatSo I takes myself off to the pub Well I had one or twoYou know, as you do   To build up my nerve for the dateWith one eye on the doorAnd then just a few moreI was praying she wouldn’t be late I was checking the clockWhen I got quite a shockShe was there right in front of my eyesWell I tried not to stareAt her head with no hairAt her chest or her gigantic thighs Then she said “Hello mate,I am here for that dateI’m Doris and you must Fred ?”Well, I looks in her eyes, andI quickly replies“I’m his twin, my poor brother is dead” Well, I leapt from my seatI was up on my feetI’d got outsideAs quick as a winkAfter such a big shockI went round the blockAnd had me another stiff drink