raj

Jun 02, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

A Drop in the Ocean

I dream to be
a tiny drop in the Ocean,
only then would I
fathom depths of it's emotions,
feel it's turmoil
pulsating in tides,
as they ebb and flow
in relentless toil..

Yes, I crave to be
that tiny drop in the ocean,
swirling in the salts
a million rivers bleed,
seeking salvation
beneath the awning
of celestial skies, cleansing
in His divine light...

Oh! I pray to live
a dream of that drop in the ocean,
to be a drop of rain
to quench the thirst of a seed
whose fate hangs
between life and death
Only then shall I
be appeased...

Note: Each tiny effort to conserve environment is a praise wothy deed. I was inspired to write this piece as a contribution to World Environment Day being celebrated today worldwide. i.e., each June 5

— raj, Jun 02, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Critiques

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Ocean

I just read this and I would like to come back with some suggests. I like it and see it may need some tweaking up and if you so desire I will do my best with no intent for offense. I shall do so for you. I thought of all the oil in this read at this time. You know I shall return. I like your inspiration and would like to comment further on it. Mona

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hello Mona

Thank you for your time for the read and even more for your gesture to tweak it up...i am but an amateur and welcome any useful tips and suggestions while i tread on the learning curve.. much love...raj (sublime_ocean)..

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Ocean

I sent you a tweak or two and only you can make a change to your write as much or less as you like. We are all here to help one another. Talk at ya soon Love,Mona

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

beautiful write raj

just some superfluous words that i think detract from the flow - (just me, i'm no expert!!) - i've put in brackets. 'I dream to be (even) a drop in the ocean only then I would feel its emotions fathom (its) depths feel (its) turmoil causing waves (its) pulsations in each ebb flow and tide Yes, I crave to be (even) a tiny drop in the ocean...' just love - 'beneath the awning of celestial skies and His light' love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Many thanks..

Many thanks to you Judy....your suggestions are appreciated...it's so good when folks here in NeoPoet...like you and Mona have done make suggestions...constructive criticism is most welcome and is a learning experience... i will edit the write based on the suggestions/inputs provided by you and Mona and re-submit my post... much love...raj (sublime_oceann)...

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Fabulous Raj

Beautiful write. I really enjoyed this. Xena

raj

16 years 1 month ago

thank you Xena

Thanks to a few constructive suggestions and critiques , I have edited my write a lot and also tweaked it with suggestions from NeoPoet friends Mona and Judy.....i shall appreciate to know how you find the edited version..... Happy World Environment day to all NeoPoets... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

One word Raj

Perfection x Xena

raj

16 years 1 month ago

thank you Xena

it is appreciated... raj(sublime_ocean)...

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Only another thing to

oops double post sorry

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Only another thing to

Only another thing to contemplate this line a dream of that drop in Sea, make it like the others and you used the caps on sea here. If that is your intent then it reads fine now. I like how you reversed the title also. You are doing great ocean keep it up love and peace with the sea Mona

raj

16 years 1 month ago

it was deliberate

yes...the intent was deliberate to change to "a dream of that drop in sea" to reflect that " i have become so one with that drop in sea and that drop in sea has become one with me"... the change to capitalise the "S" in Sea is dliberate too...it is with an intent to impersonify Sea as a cleansing element of nature... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

I see (I sea:)

This is your poem and I commend you for taking the suggestions you felt neccessary and worked with them. It is nice and I will visit you of course many seas again. Love Mona xoxox

raj

16 years 1 month ago

nice of you..

nice of you to commend my effort and your encouraging words...like an enthusiastic kid i will strive to get that 5th * :) love...raj (sublime_ocean)

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

I forgot

Opps forgot that the fifth star for all your efforts, as I did see you used swirling too. I can not wait for your next poem and you know I have a deep love of the sea as I can relate to this write of yours so nicely done and of course yes we shall not forget your reason for this write either. World Environment Day that is coming up. My mind is on the oil in the sea and all the damage it is doing thus far. I have written Oceans Decline and think of just that at the moments and days ahead. Keep up the good work ocean friend:) Love and Peace Mona

judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

well done raj

but i'm a little disappointed that you have changed 'ocean' to sea i feel that ocean is a smoother word and fits the write better. sea seems a little curt. however, there is a play there with the word Sea (See - as in the church - Papal See) otherwise kudos to the re-write. love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Yep…i too am contemplating

Yep...i too am contemplating about the appopriateness of choice between Ocean and Sea....thanks for your time and tickling my mind... raj (sublime_ocean)

anonymous1

16 years 1 month ago

sea/ocean

Hi Raj, When I read this the first time, you had already changed ocean to sea. I thought sea was appropriate as in 'the sea of mankind' but, ocean sounds prettier... Finding the perfect word to say just what is needed - that is the challenge and fun of poetry. Have fun deciding ;) Lisa

raj

16 years 1 month ago

i will stick with the ocean

after evaluating various opinions shared by readers i think i will prefer the ocean which was in any case my first choice...moreover "A drop in the Ocean" is a popular phrase which is more appropriate in the context of this poem because the essence here is that "even the tiniest of deeds should not be undermined and one should never feel discouraged to do a very small deed in the belief that it would be meaningless since it would be like a drop in the ocean...whereas in reality each tiny deed which is good for our environment is precious"..on that note i will now edit the poem...thanks Lisa for your comment...and bringing this up...and i also want to thank all others who stopped by and shared their opinion and made suggestions.. raj (sublime_ocean)

magics02

16 years 1 month ago

Ocean

You have to like your choice and it is fine you changed it as you see it fit better. It still reads the same to me and is a precious write. Nothing lost when you changed the wording as sea and ocean we are all one. Waiting for your next write Love and wishes across the sea:) Mona xxxxxoxoox

Candlewitch

16 years 1 month ago

Hello raj

I think your poem is delicious. I love the seas and oceans, so I can identify with your poem. It carried me back to a time in my life when I played in the Gulf Of Mexico. Now it will never be the same. Thank you for the emotions of this piece. Always, Cat

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you Cat

it was very nice of you to stop by and comment...good to know it also revived some good memories ... warmly ...raj (sublime_ocean)...

thedifference5457

16 years 1 month ago

i liked it alot. i was so

i liked it alot. i was so different. i think ur an amazing poet.

raj

16 years ago

Thank you..

very nice of you for your encouraging comment...good to know you liked it... warmly..raj (sublime_ocean)...

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Raj

Congrates on the evolution for a much deserved poem love and hugs JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Have I?...

Are you telling me that "A Drop in the Ocean" has been chosen for Evolution?...i was wondering why its up there today.... hugz...raj (sublime_ocean)

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

Great write, I love your

Great write, I love your ocean theme. And world conservation, great cause. From just one little drop, to be part of such a large body of ocean! Thanks for sharing! Julie D.D.

raj

16 years 1 month ago

Hello Julie

good to know you liked it...and the theme...thank you for your time and comment..i liked the one you posted too...and have commented on it warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..

shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago