raj

May 25, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Parting Gift

Crystals of salt
linger on my tongue
your gifts
in a tearful parting
I toss and turn
but the hours won't run
I playback
each moment we spun

Walls now bear
no silhoutte no frame
of dances
we bared each night
My eyes now stare
at the bedside frame
to find
you gazing at me

The creaking bed
echoes the longing
to hear
your ecstatic sighs
A halo of your smile
I kiss good night
and drift
into moon less light...

raj (sublime_ocean)

— raj, May 25, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Critiques

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Raj

Beautiful. This lovely write reminds me of my Merchant Seaman boyfriend from the 1980's. He had to go to sea for several months at a time and all I had was his photo by my bedside to kiss at night. He was one of the few nice guys that I ever met...I love it. Rosina xena465

raj

16 years ago

Dear Rosina

I am glad to know you loved it ...nice to know that it made you reminisce about those good times you had with your Beau.... perhaps it didn't appeal to others to be worthy of commenting... thank you for stopping by and your comment which is appreciated... wishing you smiles...warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

xena465

16 years ago

Hi Raj

The site wasn't busy yesterday. Perhaps you could make a small edit or addition so it can re-post on the stream today. That way more people, who were off line yesterday, will be able to read it. Rosina xena465

raj

16 years ago

Hi Rosina

i appreciate your suggestion...but its ok...i felt good writing it...i notice that over 60 have found it worth casting their glance but not worthy of a comment or critic...its a choice they are entitled to if they didnt find it appealing enough... nothing is lost...as i said i enjoyed writing it... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..

xena465

16 years ago

Re: Raj

Most people say that it's not how many comments you get that are important, it's the amount of people who are interested enough in you to even bother, and 60 is a lot of reads. Some people find it hard to comment, as I'm sure you know. If you take a good look at most poems, they don't get a lot of comments. PS Someone nomitated your poem without leaving a comment. When I came to your page there was already a 5% nomination, but no comment, so you see what I mean. Rosina xena465

raj

16 years ago

Thanks for your encouraging

Thanks for your encouraging comments Rosina..i understand as well as appreciate them...you are right...the readership has gone up to 79 by today which as you have said is a good index.. be well... raj (sublime_ocean)

raj

16 years ago

Rosina

i tweaked up the last four lines of the third verse... ..raj (sublime_ocean)..

xena465

16 years ago

Dear Raj

It was great before, now it's brilliant. Xena

raj

16 years ago

Thank you Rosina…coming

Thank you Rosina...coming from my mentor it is like a boost of tonic for me... raj(sublime_ocean)

panaella

16 years ago

This is very good

Hi Raj, This is a lovely write about the imprint that someone leaves on the mundane of your life...the imagery is spot on. 'Crystals of salt'..lingering on tongues in sad parting....wonderful! Ells.

raj

16 years ago

Hello Ells

thank you for stopping by to have a read of this one...good to know you liked the essence of this write...thanks too for your appreciation ... raj (sublime_ocean)..

raskin

16 years ago

Lovely poem, imagery. Some

Lovely poem, imagery. Some good lines here. I enjoyed reading this one. raskin

raj

16 years ago

Raskin

Good to know you enjoyed reading it...i like to keep in improving which is why i love NeoPoet...a place where one can learn a lot by reading the works of others and also by way of the comments ..suggestions and responses from readers... Thank you for your time and comments.. warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..

Seren

16 years ago

Dear Raj

This really is one of your best my friend you got my nomination beautiful work ... love and big hugs JayCee x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

raj

16 years ago

I am happy to read this

I am happy to read this comment from you JayCee..music to my ears :) Thanks a lot for stopping by to read this one... love n hugs...raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

16 years ago

great descriptive raj

'I playback each moment in rewind' just doesnt't sound right - seems to repeat the same thing would you consider 'i playback each moment in slow motion'? or something similar? i absolutely love 'Crystals of salt linger on my tongue' love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

raj

16 years ago

You are spot on Judy..

You are spot on Judy...i too was feeling this line to be odd because "playback" and "rewind" mean one and the same thing...i will certainly edit it...let me know then how you find the change... i love positive criticism ...so do not hesitate to critique my write..you are most welcome to do it... i am planning to come up with real short ones which i believe are more challenging and creatively stimulating..let's see how it works out... love raj (sublime_ocean)

raj

16 years ago

Is this better?

How about this small change Judy...will appreciate your feed back... love raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

16 years ago

works for me raj

love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

Mari Shine

15 years 11 months ago

WOW!!! This is the most

WOW!!! This is the most beautiful poem Raj, superbly crafted and with a very fine display of pictorial depiction. Delightfully expressed, with a silk smooth flow. Filled with raw emotion, it has left an indelible print on my mind and though I've already read it three times, absorbing it into both my mind and my heart, I am going to read it again! A joy to read, I was held a willing captive, enticed by the title and held right in there to the very last word. Stellar work Raj and I thank you for so very kindly sharing this most charming write with me.

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Mari i feel happy that you

Mari i feel happy that you enjoyed the write and thank you for your most generous comment....nothing can please me more when those who read it feel the essence of it and experience its mood... i would like to read more of yours... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)