day dream

When i think back i see not me, but a young girl. smiles, laughter, hardly any tears. looking for a friend. She has so many. i snap out of it. now it makes no since. i see a girl in pain, heartbreak, fear, no one to run to. i try to remember when it all went wrong. not to young but not to old. stuck in the changes of her body. depressed with the memories i keep locked in my mind. not happy ones. but the ones that i fear will happen again. the harder i think the more it hurts. i go back, back to that happy place. the little girl no more then Four years old. Smiling, playing , laughing. why does this happen. why me, why do i do this to myself.