Seren

May 18, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

A Fresh Cut

When the first crack appeared
I ignored it
and as the satin wrapped sun
dipped in the sky
the summer heat
paled into warm memories

the crack webbed
and crawled its way slowly
across a night sky
tears in the universe
strikes of intense light
ripping it apart

as my tears shimmer
the stars and the separation
can no longer be ignored

I stare up in awe
at our most destructive
we at our most
stunningly beautiful

and I look at you and
see the beauty

oh and I know
that you lay there
awake
yet unaware?,
this torment will carry
on,
until you wake up
and smell the hayseed
plowboy

— Seren, May 18, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

lou

16 years 2 months ago

love it

I especially like the first 2 verses. Love Lou xx

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

very glad you liked this one its been coming in spits and spurts and i finally got it finished last night thanks so much for the read and the comment hun love and hugs JayCee x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

Beauregard

16 years 2 months ago

I call my chemistry professor Hayseed

he's a big blonde giant, and my brother and I refer to him as hayseed behind his back. He's a northerner and wouldn't understand it if we called him it to his face. LOL. I guess what they say about most blondes is true (you would be an exception, though!). "Satin wrapped sun", that's so lovely. I can't even fathom ever being able to pen such an amazing image. I can't find anything to critique at the moment, other than perhaps hyphenating "satin wrapped", but it's just a minor preference. Go get some sleep, Jayne!! :) *hug* Kelsey

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Kels

Since i spoke to you nearly 24 hrs ago i have had 2 and a half hours sleep lol yep it was a bitch I had the worst night I am hell tired tonight so I am hoping I just die in the ass and go to sleep lol was great chatting to you all last night I had the best laugh thanks for keeping me occupied lol very glad you liked this one I think you know where it came from eh ? hahahaha biggest smiles love and big hugs JayCee x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

hobo

16 years 2 months ago

very nice

this is a very nice write my friend, I really like the lines the crack webbed and crawled its way slowly across a night sky I wish I would have written those lines myself lol. great work

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Hobo

Was just thinking who I was going to read tonight and I was going to check your page out will be there in a little while ... very glad you liked this piece , I get line envy often here lol dont feel bad big smile big hugs and love JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

mand

16 years 2 months ago

Really nice images to start

Really nice images to start my day, beautiful poetry, one I'd like to read to my friends on the varanda - if I had one - over looking the countryside with a glass of wine. Made me feel floaty light. I agree with Lou, the first two stanzas in particular are outstanding, but I love all of it. Lovely Seren Love Mand

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Man

We have a verandah and often in the summer the neighbours gravitate over and we all end up talking in the cool of the night ... its one of the things I love so much about where we live its down home country ...and I am a country girl at heart ... thanks very much for the beautiful comment made my night thanks for the read love and hugs JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Lovely JayCee

This is the beautiful lady I know. Your last couple of poems were brilliantly written, but I like this side of you best...I hope this doesn’t offend, it's not meant to. Rosina xena465

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Omg thank god for tracker

Rosina I nearly missed your comment ... so sorry about that ... I am glad you liked this one ... I am not offended and your personal tastes are yours huni I would never be offended if you didnt like something ... as there are times I dont like things love and hugs jayCee x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

Geezer

16 years 2 months ago

Hayseed...

is golden blonde, and shines in the sun. The image reminds me of someone I knew long ago. They were as bright as the sun, and no one was unaffected by their smile. They were deliciously innocent, and never knew. ~ Higger bugs, ~ Gee

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dearest Gee

i remember a girl like that,a country girl biggest smile and she lit up a room she was a good friend passed away on my partners birthday last year ... she was 43 and breast cancer took her your comment made me smile in memory, it sounds so much like my friend all my love and big hugs JayCee x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

loved

16 years 2 months ago

EXQUISITE WORDS

and I look at you and see the beauty oh and I know that you lay there awake yet unaware?, You don't want him to even emotionally share ur physical suffering how gr8888888 of uuuuuu

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

suffering is the one thing

suffering is the one thing we cant share loved ... and something I wouldnt even share with my worst enemy its too cruel ... thanks for the lovely comment its much appreciated this was a little more than surface and I think you saw through the cracks love and hugs JayCee x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

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