Whatevers left: scatters the Never Never

brilliant poem smile lovely,love you hubby x x x x

This is another stunning example of the exquisite talent that seeps outward from your poetic soul! Beautiful word-sounds amid stunning imagery, and a theme that is to die for! Bravo Seren!

JC your work is truly Magnificent! Much love shirley harrison

going to give you five stars or tell you how fucking brilliant you are, 'cause you already know that! So don't mind my black-sheep comment. Everyone is telling you how magnificent this is and I'm going to be the one that says, "might I point out a few ideas of improvement", but that's just how I do it. You have an entire community of thousands of people who are there to reassure Jayne of her awesomeness, but only one Ewok who will keep you in check ;) I only say this because sometimes I still feel strange giving these huge critiques when everyone else has short and sweet comments. It still makes me wonder if I'm just this little crackpot who doesn't make any sense and has no room to be commenting the way I do. Like, I see all the comments above mine on everyone's poetry and I wonder how I can possibly tell this poet that I think they could improve when everyone else says they've already achieved 5 out of 5 stars and spotlight nominations and all that. -- 4.2: delete 5.6: delete 5.7: "we are living" --> 'we live' (I think the three above will add some kick to the lines that follow. Like using metaphor instead of simile ("This is hell" is more powerful than "This is like hell")) 5.9: "hells" --> 'hell's' 6.6: "mates" --> 'mate's' 10.3: "take it up as" --> 'take it as' 15.2: "whats" --> 'what's' -- Enjoyed the surface story and the deeper meaning (oh, and that awesome title!) :) Kelsey

very deep and dark my friend, you have done a wonderful job relaying your feelings, I felt like you were talking about me. nice read

jayne yet another gem to add to your growing heap did you have a reason for writting this one i do like " we are living on the outskirts of hells war room " ,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

You're one of the best poets on this site and this is brilliantly written, but I've notice a change in your feelings. I miss the love in your heart. Rosina xena465

I really enjoyed this poem, JayCee, and I think you are experimenting with punctuation? I haven't noticed it as much in previou works of yours, especially the question mark. It lent a different feel to the poem, a sort of ambivalence, i hesitate to say? I enjoyed the theme- this is one of your best yet, a very emotional poem that packed a whallop! Love in Ink, Jhena

I guess I really must agree, we need to look not only at the brilliance of the ideas put forth,but try to deal with the structure of the work too. Thanks to both of you, Janey for the brillance of the poem, and Kelsey, for helping me see how lazy and pathetic I have become. ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

God gave roses he also gave thorns that's life i could feel this phiolosophy in your write.. hugz...raj (sublime_ocean)

very powerful write seren i was absorbed in it from start to finish...i think it's captivating i like how it's emotional, but doesn't morph into self-pity. the lines "he gave me the tool of free will, I take it up as my sword so with sure even strokes I make sparks, and I am noticed" are, i think, exceptionally good... they kick arse actually. the line 'of a staunch mates' needs to be either 'mate', or have the 'a' dropped. good, good writing seren, powerful, and very well constructed very fair, and honest answer... you weren't obliged to, but you did. i thank and respect you for that. cheers p

More power to ya girl !!!!! Love Lou xx

Life is an antechamber from life to life. Sometimes it all takes place in one moment. Touch it all, and you have a poet. ~ "Just as what you dream is your own and no one else can observe it, so the world you see is your own." ~ Nisargadatta

That your feelings are Of immense pain, Coupled with joy your refrain Is by now known to many? None is so vain… Upon the sands of time Neopoet’s Helps you to pen thoughts sublime Your inners emerge as does With utmost ease Pressurised water From Quebec’s fountain That by now is certain. The breeze cools The minds of those Who come here For a moment’s silence Of peace, harmony and love The siren is heard Siren’s around… We all alert at the cars’ sound Stand in rapt attention, When our ears have tinkled The comfort of your words Said so softly Yes so clearly heard. Yet like an apparent Thunderous cloud You ought to be proud You are by all those around In true reality discovered Nay found. loved and lovely