shazbat

May 17, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Away with the fairies

He’s away with the fairiesIt’s sad but it’s trueHe’s not quite the sameSort of person as you
He sees things that othersCould never detectCollecting up piecesThat others reject
Living a life thatMost people would shunSleeping outsideIn the rain and the sun
Most folk that meet himThey say he’s not rightHe’s away with the fairies
They took him last night

— shazbat, May 17, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Norfolk, UK, GBR

Favorite Poets: Kipling, T.S Eliot, Hilaire Belloc, Ogden Nash, Spike Milligan and many more.

Critiques

theladyblue

16 years ago

I once saw a homeless man...

who broke my heart. I looked at him and I knew he was aware but it was just easier be 'away with the faries'. I think that breaking this into stanzas would help the poetic voice a little; to draw it out and make the reader really feel his presence. <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

shazbat

16 years ago

Thanks for the comment

Thanks for the comment Marie, I've broken it down into four verses as you suggested. We have a tramp in this area and he always seems to be in a world of his own, totally oblivious to what's going on around him, I saw him a few days ago and it made me wonder how he ever survived last winter. John

theladyblue

16 years ago

John

Its a much easier read now. I do have a few more suggestions if you dont mind. Just some words I think you could omit to make it flow a little better. 1:3 - He’s not quite the same - Maybe just me but I keep stumbling on 'quite' I think it is just a matter of poetic lisence here but for me it would flow much better without it. 3:4 - In the rain and the sun - The second 'the' isnt really needed. I think losing it would lend its self to creating a more poetic feel over all. Like I said just some suggestions none all too serious. <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Lonnie

16 years ago

Shabatically Perfect as Usual!

Another great piece by a great rhymester! I swear your talent grows with each new poem you pen! I remain in awe of your prowess!

shazbat

16 years ago

Lonnie with remarks like

Lonnie with remarks like this I'll have trouble getting my head through the door, but don't stop :) I'm glad that you found it worthy of a comment Regards John

shirley harrison

16 years ago

Dear John a wonderful poem

I really enjoyed reading this it has touched my heart! Much love ,i saw the wonderful comment of lonnie and he is so right! shirley harrison

shazbat

16 years ago

Shirley I forgot to say that

Shirley I forgot to say that the baked bean poem prompted me to write one about the baked bean tester. John

shazbat

16 years ago

Shirley I’m so pleased

Shirley I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this, I read a poem yesterday about Heinz baked beans and flatulence, and I seem to recall that your name was mentioned, trust me, Heinz beans are nowhere near as nice as they used to be, for some reason they have reduced the salt and sugar content and they just don't taste the same. I was absolutely devastated on bank holiday Monday, I rode my motorcycle nearly 200 miles to Hastings only to find that the pie and mash shop had closed, needless to say a few tears were shed that day. John

Seren

16 years ago

Dear John

Those last two lines made me want to cry ... well written I believe Lonnie is right you only get better and better love and hugs JayCee x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")

shazbat

16 years ago

Aaaw shucks, you’re making

Aaaw shucks, you're making me blush, I'm not used to compliments, as long as what I write provokes a reaction (even if it's just a smile) then I am happy. Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your most welcome comments. John

shirley harrison

16 years ago

Ah John Pie and mash!

That poem was made by Mand because i kept asking her to send me Baked beans! I know there used to be one really great pie and mash shop in london and i bet thats shut too, but i bet your bike ride was fab! things just arent the same, when i go home to london i really see the changes. Much love John shirley harrison

shazbat

16 years ago

Shirley, I can’t

Shirley, I can't understand why you can't get beans in Italy, if you go to any Italian "Caff" in England you can always get beans with your full English :) I went to college in East Ham and there were at least five pie and mash shops within walking distance, if you go there now you'll be lucky to find someone that speaks anything other than Bangladeshi. The bike ride was great but the buttocks were rebelling a little on the way home. Ciao John

scribbler

16 years ago

fairies

Wonderful,short,descriptive poem with increasingly rare rhyme and rhythm.Intriguing idea that not all "lost ones"are plagued by demons.....Stan

shazbat

16 years ago

Thanks Stan, I haven’t

Thanks Stan, I haven't written much that does not rhyme, somehow it just seems that its the right thing to do. I'm pleased that you like this one I think it's one of my better efforts. Regards John