They Call Her suicide

Really true and deep. A masterpiece.

it was subtle enough that the poem didn't contract a sing-song feel when one wasn't desired. I have a few suggestions, if I may. They are just my humble ideas, please take them or leave them as you like! And don't worry, I try to comment everyone this way! I want to be as constructive and helpful as possible! 1.2: "she wears a huge grin" --> 'she wears a sinister grin' (The added syllable would smooth out the flow, as I think this line ends too abruptly) 1.3: "stretchs" --> 'stretches' 2.2: "she is like a fatal drip" --> 'she is the fatal drip' (I think this amazing image would be so much more powerful if you used metaphor instead of simile) 3.2: "she wears emotions" --> 'carrying her emotions' (would vary your word use so that you aren't repeating "she wears") 4.2: "has died, She's crushed them" --> 'has died; she's crushed them' Just a few little things that I think would take this wonderful piece to the next level. I love your second stanza; amazing imagery and a little twisted, my favorite combination! :) Kelsey

and didn't need me to point it out. I look foward to what you come up with. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]

excellently written there Lou, very wonderful piece! i like it the way it is! shirley harrison

Your doing great here and I read this one twice and caught all its meanings and flow of it. Great job gal, keep them coming Love,Mona xxox TIME well spent is TIME well lived

ah! So much better! Totally transcends the trite untruth of the original ending. You've responded to feedback without losing your personal power in the piece. That is what Neopoet is about! Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]

Reading it over and over, it gets better each time :) Kelsey

nice write my friend. I really the lines They call her suicide she captures emotions with pride powerful work

The revisions are very good. I really think putting this poem in the present tense serves the subject manner much better. Thanks, Lisa