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R
raj
May 08, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Once Upon A Time

Shadows are lengthening
the Sun is dipping down
I long to see yours
striding beside mine...
 

The ripples in the brook
kiss my naked feet
soon dusk drowns me
in forced solitude...
 

I stroll in the twilight
to a nascent void
where our muted song
plays live...
 

A quaking heart
keeps chasing the shadows away
a craving heart
keeps clutching them back again..
 


From crumpled sheets
now threadbare
the wrinkles serenade
our once-alive fairytale...


raj (sublime_ocean)

— raj, May 08, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Critiques

R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

thank you

i had written that with a generic target... raj (sublime_ocean)...
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Oh!

Shirley..sorry for a delayed response..but i saw the title of your comment now and instantly melted and touched :) with my toes all curled up (in good humor)...raj (sublime_ocean)
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you ..

Thank you ..your comments are refreshing like rain drops... raj (sublime_ocean),,
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Raj

Your poetry floats in this one, there is an ethereal quality to this one thats just lovely well done love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you JayCee..

Good to hear your encouraging comments.. Wishing You Happy Mothers Day ...may love of your kids too surround you always... raj (sublime_ocean)
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Lovely Raj

A lovely well-written sentiment...I love the thought of my naked feet in the brook...soothing thought...great stuff. Rosina xena465
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raj

16 years 2 months ago

good to know you liked the

good to know you liked the sentiment.. many thanks Rosina for your constant encouragement.. warm hugz on Mothers Day... raj (sublime_ocean)...
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panaella

16 years 2 months ago

beautiful

Hi Raj, Any poem that uses the word nascent...is just sublime. Lovely. Ells x
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you Ells!

yes Buddy Ells..i thought the word Nascent was a best fit to describe the moment.... sending your way warm hugs on Mother's Day... raj (sublime_ocean)..
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poewriter58

16 years 2 months ago

Raj

This is the second piece of your work that I have read and I must say , you word usage leaves wonderful imagery whether it be good or bad images Chrys
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Chrys

thank you for your comment..good to know you liked it...just so that i can improve upon could you tell me what images you found to be bad images?... warmly....raj (sublime_ocean)...
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poewriter58

16 years 2 months ago

Raj

There are none in this poem . I was alluding to some poems are great yet they portray a bad image. Therefore whther the image is good or bad if it is written well the image will be vivid. Yours are strong images and good Chrys
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

Chrys

many thanks for visiting this poem again and for your comments...they are appreciated... warmly ...raj (sublime_ocean)...
Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

16 years 2 months ago

raj

I have read a few of your works these last few days and this one has really painted an image in my head, and it is full of tranquillity. The painted image has been carefully layered with your poetic brush strokes. Wonderful, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".
R

raj

16 years 2 months ago

HS

Thank you HS for your encouraging words....coming from seasoned campaigners like you they mean a lot.... warmly ...raj (sublime_ocean)
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Ocean

Just want to say I enjoyed reading this piece and I so look forward to the calming voice of your written words here. Sublime does come to mind with your writings, just wonderful here.Keep up the great work and I shall revisit often. I an't say it better then that as it left me so relaxed I am going for my nap. LOL Love,Mona xoxoxo TIME well spent is TIME well lived
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raj

16 years 2 months ago

i am pleased to read your

i am pleased to read your comment which is inspiring...if it has had a calming and relaxing influence on you i am pleased even more...have a pleasant nap with s smile and wake up with a cheer... much love...raj (sublime_ocean)...

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