Bob Jr

May 04, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A man Like Me

A Man Like Me What do You want with a man like me?My heart? My soul? My loyalty?What gives you the right to ask these things?When there’s no way to tell what the future brings?The truth can be be painful. It burns, it stings.It’s hard for a man like me. What do You need from a man like me?My promise to be who You want me to be?It’s hard to live up to the things that You ask.Without all the tools for the massive task.I fail so often….. I feel so harassed.It frustrates a man like me.
What can You give to a man like me?Your Word? Your Love? Unconditionally?Will it be enough to ease the pain?To bring out the sunshine? To stop the rain?To allow me to join in the happy refrain?It was meant for a man like me. What do You want with a man like me?My heart? My soul? My loyalty?These things can’t begin to cover the cost.Of what You have given, what You have lost.The payment was made when you went to the Cross.Paid in full for a man like me.

— Bob Jr, May 04, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

Deep, cool first post Bob.

Deep, cool first post Bob. Centering and bold doesn't always works so well, but I still liked it alot. Thanks for sharing. Julie D.D.

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Lovely

Welcome Bob. I enjoyed your poem very much. Rosina xena465

shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago

i like it!

welcome Bob i liked this alot. shirley harrison

Bob Jr

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks everyone for your

Thanks everyone for your comments.. I'm not sure if I have more to post or not!! This is one that just came to me, and I wanted to share it... I have a few other thoughts, but as a former garage band song writer..(from years ago), I don't want to force the words.. Any encouragement, or advice is deeply appreciated

Bob Jr

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks man… Sounds like

Thanks man... Sounds like great advice. Looking forward to getting some more of my old stuff out there for feedback!

Bob Jr

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you Darknlovely!

I appreciate your words...sometimes I feel like I am constantly searching for the answers to these type of questions...

weirdelf

16 years 1 month ago

You simply must lose the bold type and centered formatting

No argument, not an opinion, it sucks. The content and writing are interesting, there is great wordcrafting here but... I can't help feeling that the repeated refrain of "a man like me" rather than expressing a sense of your isolation instead alienates your reader. Now I know that sounds like an attack on the heart of the poem, but it is not. Perhaps consider how you could re-word in some way to include your reader's isolation in their values. That is what I get to be the gist of the poem, you are isolated by your integrity. You are not alone in that, but you come off sounding a bit superior, see what I mean? Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]

Bob Jr

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks for being honest..

I do appreciate the honesty, and your point about the formatting is well taken Allow me to offer my thoughts about the intent as you see it.. It has nothing to do with the fact that I feel, or am trying to convey superiority, quite the opposite in fact. This is a poem that alludes to the fact that even the lowest of the low is worthy of the gift of LIFE in a spiritual sense.. (hence...EVEN a man like me...) and the simple things God asks for in return... Life, Love, Loyalty.. these are things that we owe to God BECAUSE of His gift to us. I guess if I had to sun it up, it starts out asking questions, kind of "shaking a fist at God asking WHY".. and ends up answering those questions based on the things God has done I do sometimes wonder if the Christ based writings that I have will be misunderstood, and maybe this is not the best forum for them... Thanks again..

Candlewitch

16 years 1 month ago

Hello

and welcome to the site. I agree with Jess' observations. I do think this poem is a good start. I would love to read it again when you rewrite it. Always, Cat

weirdelf

16 years 1 month ago

Indis comments are pertinent,

and if I sometimes, actually often, attack Christian based poetry (as I did not do here) it is with the deliberate intention of provocation against the insularity that can so often occur in faith based communities. I may seem or be over the top at times, but I have been online in poetry for a long time and seen poetry forums degenerate into cute, censored christian sermons. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]

Kailashana

16 years 1 month ago

In the end, we can’t help

In the end, we can't help but be who we are. No choice. But what we have a choice is in how we interact with one another. I have/am my spirituality and you have/are yours. I was interested in the flow of *truth* in what *you* have to say about *yours*. No matter what our origins, we can all feel the *truth* of one's poetic write... and it never *feels* like a sermon, even if sometimes *sermons* happen. I like where this poem is going... I also like Jess's assessment. Welcome. ~A "The plain man is familiar with blindness and deafness, and knows from his everyday experience that the look of things is influenced by his senses, but it never occurs to him to regard the whole world as a creation of his senses." ~ Ernst Mach

Joseph J. Breu…

16 years ago

RE: A Man Like Me

A delightful and inspiring piece; enjoyed the flow; loved how you tied the last stanza back to the first one; wonderfully written. --Joe

Bob Jr

16 years ago

Thanks so much Joe...

This is one of the first things I wrote, and it flowed so easily it almost seemed like the words weren't mine. I know it has some "hitches", and I have been encouraged to rewrite it, but for me it seems wrong to do so... These words came to me in 5 minutes, and were pure inspiration... not of my doing Thanks so much for your comments

Kailashana

16 years ago

Stream-of-consciousness

Stream-of-consciousness poetry comes when the heart is open. That happens when one lives love more often than not, imo. It doesn't matter from which *religious background* the poet. It seems to be the road less traveled. ~A "Even if I knew the world were to end tomorrow, I would plant an olive tree today."-- Francis of Assisi