Where Once There Was Utopia

Where Once There Was Utopia

They assaulted the vapor canopy
On wings of pilfered sealing wax
Excusing their perverse attacks
And merciless brutality
As justified transgression.

They seeded the sky with weeping despair
Transforming the radiant clouds
Into malignant choking shrouds
That slew all things both good and fair
And left naught but oppression.

So amid the ruin in lassitude
Mourn we beneath the sundered sky
Who live and breathe and weep and die,
Who cower and are well subdued
By heavenly depression.

Meter Used:

10 A
8  B
8  B
8  A
7  C

10 D
8  E
8  E
8  D
7  C

10 F
8  G
8  G
8  F
7  C

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Motivation and Focus

This is my example created to illustrate the rules for the May, 2020 contest at Neopoet.com. The rules for this contest were as follows:

    * Design a meter
          o Create a meter
          o Document meter in poem submission
          o Subject = Sky
          o Cannot be an established meter
          o Contest Code = 053110

For those folks who do not understand, this is not a contest entry, merely an example. 

As indicated, I have used three (3) five (5) line stanzas and linked each stanza through the last line.

I have found a declining meter aids in leading the reader through a stanza and by resetting at the end of the stanza the reader catches their breath, has time for a bit of reflection on the previous stanza, and can move on.  I view structure "tricks" such as these as common benefits of writing bound verse and honestly maintain and believe that having the structure allowes me to capture a briefer more vibrant scene than would be possible otherwise and, since structure carries with it an assumption of authority, people may tend to take structured verse more seriously.

The structure appears difficult and thus unattainable and the conclusion can be the presentation is beyond the reach of the uninitiated. This is not the case.  Structure is the shortcut.  When done improperly, structure is a train wreck.  When done competently, structure is a muse-send.

I am most comfortable in tetrameter, so I made certain the meter I created included tetrameter but since the meter as a whole could not be an established meter, I began stanza with pentameter, moved to tetrameter, and ended with trimeter+1.  I use an uneven foot in verse when I want to create a discordant feel to a line.  And since this piece is about discord, I felt the choice supported the vision.

As for the story I am telling, it all started with line two.  Since the subject had to be the sky to meet the constraints of the contest, I cast about for ideas and dredged up an Icarus bound thought, twisted it to include a biblical reference, and then twisted again to reference modern issues to include nearly any man-made issue you might ponder.

This is definitely a moralistic poem but I promise you, the people who believe it is in support of religion are sadly and wholly mistaken.

Most any time I get moralistic, it's about responsibility for our actions.  I'm a big believer in personal responsibility.