The Music Man

Hi. Mmmmmm. My favourite position. Shiva-Shakti. http://www.hocuspocus.co.uk/acatalog/Shiva_shakti8.jpg I would edit the ending and leave it at music. (*we are making* seems redundant.) ~A "The plain man is familiar with blindness and deafness, and knows from his everyday experience that the look of things is influenced by his senses, but it never occurs to him to regard the whole world as a creation of his senses." ~ Ernst Mach

OK off to have a cold shower in the middle of the night ... I am going to leave it at that before I embarrass myself lol steaming hot poem btw lol love JayCee ("Quote:- Death is the great adventure beside which moon landings and space trips pale into insignificance. Addison Joseph")

Hi Hobo, I like this poem and the instrument/dancer metaphor. I've often wished I could be played with such skill as is demonstrated by the great guitar players like Satriani, Eric Clapton and Carlos Santana. My favorite line is: Wrapping my arms around you Letting my fingers tickle your spine Like a great musician Playing a cello On Caps for every line: This is a poetic device that may or may not be used. While capitalizing the first word of every line is traditional, it's become more of a preference. Here's an informative article by Poet Alberto Rios that others might enjoy: http://www.public.asu.edu/~aarios/resourcebank/capitalizing/ He writes, "Capitalizing the first word in a line is one of the traditional tools of poetry writing, and using or not using it is a decision that a poet should make after some consideration. But whatever the decision, the practice today is clearly personal." Then he goes on to explain why he uses this traditional tool in his poetry writing saying, "I myself have found meaning in doing so, and meaning is something to value wherever we find it." On "The Music Man" ending: The issue I have is with 'passion bring us to a boil' and 'melt our souls' because it's a departure from the metaphor the poem begins with, which is comparing making love to the act of playing a cello. It's as if The Music Man goes from playing in a symphony to cooking in the kitchen. If you were to continue the instrument/dancer metaphor with words such as symphony, crescendo, or some dance terms like allegro or arabesque and the like, I think this ending would complete the poem in a much better way. I hope you find this critique helpful. Let me know either way, since critiquing is every bit an important part of Neopoet Workshop as writing and posting poems. Thank you, Lisa

Very clever,(and warm) allegory.