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paul
paul
Apr 28, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Broken Yesterdays

 Carryingbroken yesterdays  On his shoulders  Misery hindersHis lively spirit In his teary eyes Joy became A bystander  He sleeps to the soundOf agony’s lullaby Every night he wishes To the North Star   Wishing for courageTo resurrect from  His decaying heart Together they will Say goodbye To a haunting Yesterday 
— paul, Apr 28, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi, Sylvia Plath and Neopoet as a whole.

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Critiques

DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

Oh how sad, and together you

Oh how sad, and together you and your heart say goodbye. How sad. Good write Paul. In your first stanza you use the past tense "became", I think would lend to it if it was "becomes". Allows for it to still be present. And I think you don't need from in this stanza, Wishing for courage To resurrect {from} His decaying heart Its just not needed. In my opinion. Good read, liked it alot. Julie D.D.
Mark

Mark

16 years 1 month ago

good paul

Stick with it man. Personally I like the "person" here as it seems more universal or applicable. First person is felt more but I really think this style to be more "polised" Mark Resilient Flexibility RUN; when there seems to be no answer common sense will not speak, so run - -go running..