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M
mantiscepter
Apr 26, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

NO TIME

 I fell into a moment
it took me for it's own
assumed I was a minion
I stole it's empty throne

lost I was in fragments
a cause without a flame
erotic pulses filled my veins
within my heart the same

passing voids of emptiness
to arms within I lay
gathered by a darkness
as my visions turned to clay

pressed emotions start to flash
I must release my hold
give back to time
what is not mine

to remember that I'm old.




— mantiscepter, Apr 26, 2010

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dear John

Time waits for no one ... beautifully written I loved your ending the last two lines need a tiny tweak flow wise but other than that ~! ... I have one similiar i wrote ages ago have to find it and post love and hugs JayCee Quote:- It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.---Robert Green Ingersoll
M

mantiscepter

16 years 1 month ago

TIME

Thanks Seren for your review was truly helpful, I was so tired when I went to bed this morning, I was not sure if I had finished the poem or not.I had three pages of scribble and two, I believed ready for script.... when I sat down this morning I had not even closed the site window.. So thanks again my friend and we will speak later. Love always John.
Bonitaj

Bonitaj

16 years 1 month ago

TEMPUS FUGIT!*

Hello John! I fell into a moment it took me for it’s own assumed I was a minion I stole it’s empty throne... What clever, colourful words to open your poem. I really liked this piece and how it encapsulated the vagaries of time and our inability to conquer it! Nice piece! Bonitaj *Always liked that Latin expression of TIME FLIES - cause it sounds so much stronger when said aloud! ;)
M

mantiscepter

16 years 1 month ago

If not the vagaries

What then? thanks for the up beat comments and descriptive resonance, was a work of great joy. I actually got lost for a day. thought my mind would burst. though now it rests in the chair with popcorn. So thanks again Bonitaj. John. Mantiscepter