theladyblue

Apr 24, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

bemused drivel (need help with title)

I whisper my secret self through the treesSweeping mounds of ground along the wayThis is my dream Confused crescendos playing havoc onQuiet, cruel plucks of piano stringThis is the sound I am awake yet deaf to this worldLiving through your eyes, I am blindThis is my reality

— theladyblue, Apr 24, 2010

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

theladyblue

16 years 3 months ago

thanx mr. eph!

i understand that a lot of people are fans of repeats but if were to make the title This Is...i would go insane lol...part of the problem i am having with this piece is the repeating but it doesnt make sense without it to me...thanks so much for the suggestion anyhow =) <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

DawningDaytripper

16 years 2 months ago

Heya Lady blue, so good to

Heya Lady blue, so good to see you! Titles, hemm such a personal touch. well to start, Dreaming the sounds of reality, maybe? or totaly leave content and use something like Drowning the Orchestra or Sensory slave Hope that helps inspire something, I will look back to find out what you go with! I liked this contradictory read, and the repetion did not distract. In my opinion. Julie D.D.

theladyblue

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks Julie...

Much appreciated!!! "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Emarie

Read this one a few times and the last verse bothered me ... I am awake but deaf to this world ... instead of 'and' but Living through your eyes I am blind ... take out the and This is my reality gives it more punch in my opinion and the title should be something to do with living life to anothers tune thats how I read it ... a symphony of confusion:-this is love Jayne-Chloe ("Quote:- Death is the great adventure beside which moon landings and space trips pale into insignificance. Addison Joseph")

theladyblue

16 years 2 months ago

Awww my Seren...

you are so smart =) love the alterations to the final verse and i think i am closer to a title...spanx =P <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

read much better hun … and

read much better hun ... and I am glad I could help(hugs) looking forward to seeing the end title ;) love JayCee x x x ("Quote:- Death is the great adventure beside which moon landings and space trips pale into insignificance. Addison Joseph")

Esker

16 years 2 months ago

lyrical

always found your writing with depth clarity this one is more intricate and I enjoyed its read (and will again) thank you Esker~

theladyblue

16 years 2 months ago

No...thank you

You have been one of the most supportive friends I have had in a long time and I just want you to know I appreciate the fact that you read my work. :) <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calender!!!

Dalton

16 years 2 months ago

this one is a little

this one is a little confusing. the three verses to me don't really seem to fit together. the lines: "I whisper my secret self through the trees" attractive but what do this really mean. it's more than a little cryptic in its entirety. that's not necessarily a bad thing. i just think it needs clarifying. say what you might that doesn't make it drivel. because it isn't. it's rather obscure. hope my comments helped. john x

theladyblue

16 years 2 months ago

John...

I have this issue of being far too cryptic at times and it is something that needs to be pointed out because my head is so wrapped up in thought that this appears to make perfect sense...to me. With that being said I understand what you mean lol Explanation of this poem: It is a dream. It was almost a 'quest for self' type of dream. I watched myself, in almost ghost form, flying through the trees of a dense hilly' forest and I was whispering something. I couldn’t understand, almost like it was another language or something. It was the kind of sound that fills your head and chest, confusing you. I suddenly stopped and hovered for a second then the piano music started it was loud and shrieking. Very staccato and sharp but still poignant and flowing at the same time. Again a kind of sound that disoriented me. When I woke up my ears were ringing and I had a hard time focusing my vision. I don’t really know the meaning but then again I know exactly what it means...I just dont want to think about it. To me that is far more complicated than the poem but that is not for me to decide LOL hope that helps some :) <3 Emarie "i read you and see…that between the pen, paper and you…there is little room for me…" ~ heart breaker~ Go Live & Get Rewarded!!! Check us out at http://www.neopoet.com/forum/20761 & the Community Calendar!!!

Esker

16 years 2 months ago

Glade of Glean

pianos are the emotional verve are they not fortissimo even the language is love and yet mute they are sinister in their dark wood like coffins secrets of locked keys that speak combinations when applied by artists hand they were feared or revered in some families as I get to know you better I can greatly understand your poetry and this is what it takes in the real world when I read It doesnt just right away fall into place the process of poetry for me but like your whispering music of the soul is sublime and powerful I am happy that you think Im supportive im pretty hard on myself despite what it may look like otherwise its a long road and sometimes I forget that I can be helpful instead of letting arrogance take over I like this poem it fits now for me and your "voice" is amazing thank you Esker!

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