Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

the poetato

i'm so miserable, methinks
my life stinks.
as the outside world frolics with twinkle in eye
i languish in basements
i sigh!
i cry!
will they ever take notice
and question me why?
i think heavy thoughts but
i cannot yet die!
i've memorized booklets of numerous subjects
i've suffered in silence and been hit by objects!
my feelings run deep and my face is so droll
has my lifelong travail
now not taken its toll?
i yearn for poesy,
sensible company,
slices of brie, and soymilk in my coffee!
as i trouble the world with my tearstained verse
may the laurels accrue to my name.... never worse!
when i lie down to rest beyond
far pearly gates
my only fear after death is to be second-rate!
i will move you and mold you with my lullabies,
if you know it or not,
care not i, oh, not i!
— Shango007, Apr 23, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 1 month ago

Hello

No... doggerel is fine with me, and you write it very well. I particularly enjoyed these lines: as i trouble the world with my tearstained verse may the laurels accrue to my name…. never worse! My suggestion is to capitalize your lower case "I" "I've" and "I'm" as it is a proper noun. Always, Cat
Shango007

Shango007

16 years 1 month ago

Those corrections can be

Those corrections can be made easily. I guess I carried the lower-case "i" over from my free verse habits...
JS

jon stone

16 years 1 month ago

Comment

I like this writting, it's descriptive, and you can feel the words.
Shango007

Shango007

16 years 1 month ago

When I write, I try to use

When I write, I try to use sound as well as structure (they complement each other, really).... The ideal result would be a piece you can also feel in your heart/mind... and I'm glad you liked it. ;)
Shango007

Shango007

16 years 1 month ago

Thank you, thou amphibian

Thank thee, thou amphibian prodigy! It means a lot when someone like you comments on a piece... I like your work, too. ;)
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

I have to agree with Eph ,

I have to agree with Eph , much like Noel.C again another well written piece ... hope your staying safe over there love and hugs JayCee Quote:- It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.---Robert Green Ingersoll
Shango007

Shango007

16 years 1 month ago

I’m staying extremely safe

I'm staying extremely safe over here. How else would I have the leisure time to compose poetry?? And I appreciate the concern-and the Ingersoll quote. How very true...
Seren

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

we have a friend in Iraq he

we have a friend in Iraq he sends us emails often ... hes in the Aslav's over there ... so everytime I read your poetry I think of him ... glad you are staying safe Love and hugs JayCee Quote:- It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.---Robert Green Ingersoll
xena465

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Fabulous writing Shango

You certainly did manage sound and structure to a great poem... I love it. Rosina xena465
Shango007

Shango007

16 years 1 month ago

My ultimate goal would be to

My ultimate goal would be to erase the line between poetic and mundane language... so the simplest greeting would be like a bugle call from heaven... or the most refined sonnet an ad on MTV lol...