IF MY FACE DID NOT HAVE A NAME

If my face did not have a name

Then who will my heart have to blame

Visioning what someone else has

Is a human flaw to place value on personal gain?

Maybe I will not be seduced

By elaborate pieces of gold in someone else’s dreams

What, if I see my own, elaborate golden pieces?

Belonging just to me

If I couldn’t see all the others pieces of gold

Then will, I be more complete

My true friends will only see my face

Our friendship is spiritual and my pieces of gold

Will never find a place

Still my heart will have no one else to blame

If I choose my title as pieces of gold

A status for a name

You do not need to equate what you have against your mistakes

— press, Apr 20, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Race_9togo

16 years 1 month ago

Press

Title is good, its what got me here. language needs some work, but the imagery and feeling are both good. "If my face did not have a name Then who will my heart have to blame" - should "will" be "would"? "If I could not see than will, I be more complete Without the human fault of personal gain" I don't understand. Should it be: "If I could not see then would I be more complete without the human fault of personal gain" ? I like the rhythm and pacing, but you might want to take some of the longer lines and split them, as I did above as an example. Read the piece aloud to yourself, and you'll soon find the right places to start new lines. I like the theme very much, its thought provoking, to me. beginning is great. Ending line is too long, it doesn't fit the rest of the work. How about a middle verse that would explain how family would see you without a face? I like this. Keep writing! Hope this helps. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Race_9togo

16 years 1 month ago

Better

Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race