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judyanne

Apr 20, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

another Sonnet to True Love

My true love he is and I saw him first.

First look I took I went weak at the knees.

First time I saw him my heart nearly burst.

But damn it now he is Kimberley’s squeeze.

O fickle-hearted that finger of fate,

Smiling and looking, he was, straight at me

When Kimberley called out to him to wait

Pretending she had gone weak at the knees

Just so he’d catch her small waist when she fell.

O how so cleverly she set the bait

Then their eyes met – not much more to tell

Except she once was my very best mate.

I am learning to be a fatal femme

To steal him off of her and then dump him.

— judyanne, Apr 20, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Critiques

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Mr Shaw

so nice to meet you thank you for your comment sincerely jennifer

16 years 1 month ago

I have read only the tiniest

I have read only the tiniest bit on sonnets Judd but what I read here is wonderfully written ... bravo and big smiles you have worked hard these last couple of weeks it shows in your poetry love and biggest hugs JayCee Quote:- It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.---Robert Green Ingersoll

16 years 1 month ago

thanks jc

i am having fun with different styles, and i'm enjoying sonnets love and hugs judd

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Judy

Most men are pretty naive when it comes to woman's whiles. Good job! Love, Cat

16 years 1 month ago

yeah cat

i'll get my own back at both of them thanks love judy

R

Rakshasa

16 years 1 month ago

Jenny

No Experience with Sonnets for me, but that was thoroughly enjoyable.... Big Smile...

16 years 1 month ago

thank you very much

and nice to meet you i'm glad you enjoyed my little bit of fun lol judy

16 years 1 month ago

Oh you devil you judyanne

Ann of Norway The taste of revenge, a poisonous medicine for those that give and those who take it!!!! This was a fine one judyanne. Some thoughts:- If I dare... The poem is just right in content but I am not entirely happy with the rhythm all the way through, just here and there it trips me up. First though I must admit to being ignorant of the finer points of what is called a Sonnet, and then I find the repetition of first look, first time. 'He's' Kimberley's squeeze....just thinking around. "O fickle-hearted that finger of fate, Smiling and looking he was straight at me".......not sure how to change it, if!... This has more power when the traditional "femme fatale" is used, no? " To steal him off of her and then dump him." I never use 'off of' but that's just me perhaps. Its possibly common usage in Australia.

16 years 1 month ago

hi annanya

thank you for your lovely thoughts and comments i tried to write this as i hear 14, 15 year olds speaking - 'to steal him off of her' is atrocious grammer - but what they say, and i love it love to you judyanne

16 years 1 month ago

"Off of"

Yes, here in the USA too: I recently read a young lady's declaration that she so loves cold breakfast cereal with milk that she "could live off of it."

16 years 1 month ago

i have changed it a little

Smiling and looking, he was, straight at me (now with commas may make more sense to you) i like the effect of the 'first's together what was bothering me was the repeat of the 'weak at the knees' i've made that ok to my mind now by italicizing the 'she' thanks annanya love judyanne xxx

P

pamela

16 years 1 month ago

daring

Dear J., I think you did a wonderful job. I just recently ran into my first love. What a bummer, but I love your write. It is perfect. P.

16 years 1 month ago

thank P

i appreciate your comment. in your case was the first cut the deepest? lol j

DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

My/ true/ love/ he/ is/ and/

My/ true/ love/ he/ is/ and/ I/ saw/ him/ first. A First/ look/ I/ took/ I/ went/ weak/ at/ the/ knee/s. B 11 First/ time/ I/ saw/ him/ my/ heart/ near/ly/ burst. A But/ damn/ it/ now/ he/ is/ Kim/ber/ley’s squee/ze. B 11 O/ fic/kle/-heart/ed that/ fin/ger/ of/ fate, C Smi/ling/ and/ look/ing/ he/ was/ strai/ght/ at/ me B 11 When/ Kim/ber/ley/ call/ed/ out/ to/ him/ to/ wait C 11 Pre/tend/ing/ she/ had/ gone/ weak/ at/ the/ knee/s B 11 Just/ so/ he/’d/ cat/ch/ her/ small/ waist/ when/ she/ fell. D O/ how/ so/ clev/er/ly she/ set/ the/ bait C Then/ their/ eye/s/ met/ – not/ much/ more/ to/ tell D Ex/cept/ she/ was/ once/ my/ very/ best/ mate. C 9 I/ am/ lear/ning/ to/ be/ a/ fat/al/ fem/me B 11 To/ steal/ him/ off/ of/ her/ and/ then/ dump/ him. E ABABCBCBDCDCBE So you have a good ryhme scheme going, and I love it as is. It is a great ryhme. But when you get in to sonnet rules.... Almost. Add stanza's, and the final couplet should ryhme with itself. Usualy. And I am not sure if accent is effecting why we are counting differant sylables. But I broke it up, maybe that will help us see how we are doing it differantly. I love this by the way, I only suggest and tear it up cause I want to pass on my knowledge. And fully support leaving strict form poetry. Wonderful read, story, loved it. And breaking it down to, I might add. Great job Judy. Julie D.D.

16 years 1 month ago

DD thank you for caring

I don’t see that the ‘s’ on the end of a word gives it another syllable (As in knees, also as in squeeze – both pronounced as one to my mind – I don’t say kneesa or squeeza) I never pronounce the word straight in 2 syllables – ‘strate’ is how I believe most people say it Called is said cawld – not call-ed (unless the poet specifically uses it) I’ve counted it over and over, and line 12 has 10 syllables every count ( have 2 in the word very - (ve/ry) Femme is pronounced fem – even in France I think And fem and him are pretty close rhyme I think So.... I don’t know who’s right DD Rob tells me, anyway, to not “worry about an eleventh syllable; it is actually normal for a line of iambic pentameter with what’s called a feminine ending. Sometimes these lend themselves VERY well to humorous content:” And this one is supposed to be humorous Thanks so very much Julie for your work on this – it is appreciated love judy

DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

I think for pronunciation on

I think for pronunciation on Femme your right the me is silent, and I missed the two sylable ve/ry. My bad. I am just trying to help. I will look more in the femine ending and ll sylable. I know spanish use's femine and masculine sentances, but I am not so sure how it would work in English Or effect a Sonnet's strict structure. It must be accent. But the sylable count for me is still off, Knee's is a definet 2 sylables. squeeze is definate two syl/ab/les. It takes two beats to say the full word. You just can't pronounce s q two ee's and a z in one beat, in my accent at least. As for worring, please don't. I don't know Rob, and is just my opinion. Sonnets are of strict form. Otherwise it is just a poem with meter. But that does not mean it is not a great poem, just not best example of Sonnet. It is a challenge, if it was easy everyone would do it. And I thought it was very humorous. In my opinion made a great poem. My few Sonnets were not of perfect form either. Julie D.D.

DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 1 month ago

PS. It was the unsureness in

PS. It was the unsureness in your title that prometed me, I wasn't looking to dog on your Sonnet. I really did love it. I thought I would drop you a link to mine, to show they are not perfent either. I don't know if Rob is right, but I do know that the Authors feelings and intent take presidance, always. http://www.neopoet.com/node/22060 Deciets blade, http://www.neopoet.com/node/22129 You...us...forever. I have written a couple of others, but these firsts were my favorites. Julie D.D.

16 years 1 month ago

julie !!!

not for one nano-second did i think you were dogging on my poem !!! thanks for the links to yours - i enjoyed them, i especially liked the second (You... us...forever) you're probably correct about the 's's, but it's hard to know whether to count them or not. i've used pleurals in two lines in my next poem, and if they have to be counted then they'll probably be out too the problem is, now i have caught the bug, i want them to be recognised as sonnets, so i appreciate any thought you have on them - and i NEVER think anyone is dogging on on my work - i recognize it as contructive and i thank you. lol judy

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

I don't know anything about sonnets

As far as I'm concerned it was a great poem and I like what it represents...wish I could meet up with my Ex's and give them what for too. "A kick in the goolies", as Troy would've said. Rosina xena465

16 years 1 month ago

thanks rosina

i'm glad you enjoyed it love judy xxx

16 years 1 month ago

LOL!

I definitely consider this a sonnet--and a nicely done and amusing one indeed! The poet is a very quick study!

16 years 1 month ago

thank you rob

i've taken the bracketed 'i'm pretty sure' off the title and you have given me the confidence to post the next one. lol judy

16 years 1 month ago

Then its spot on judyanne

Ann of Norway If it fits as I wondered if it did. I was once asked by someone if I had gone off of them and I didn't quite know how to answer that except that I never do that, once I am their friend my moods don't change that fact. That made all the difference, commas, judyanne, strange how small things can do that isn't it. Love it now love to you annanya

16 years 1 month ago

commas

little things mean a lot love to you from me annanya judyanne xxxx

SH

shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago

excellent

I wouldnt want to see my ex ever again,loved drinking much more than he ever loved me, i would have been happy to see him in the arms of another especially a bitch as they would have been perfect for eachother. What goes around comes around! Lovely poem and great subject to cover shirley harrison

16 years 1 month ago

hi Shirley

thanks for visiting and for your comments i don't want to see my ex again either. love judy

16 years 1 month ago

I think it's called

Repetitive compulsion - wanting to re-play the whole event to come out on top! CLever write Judy! Thoroughly enjoyed it - started out in such a different place though! Adoration to denigration, make that alienation! Cheers Boni

16 years 1 month ago

hi boni

thanks for your visit and comment. i enjoyed writing this one lol judy

R

16 years 1 month ago

i am not exactly sure what a

i am not exactly sure what a Sonnet is...i will check out on google and will appreciate your tips...would love to try doing one... whatever a sonnet means..this one by you Judyanne is like reading a sketch in hindsight...raj..

16 years 1 month ago

hello raj

thank you so very much for your commemt - it is a real confidence booster. sonnets are fun to write - but i haven't got total hang of them yet..... lol judy

R

16 years 1 month ago

keep at it Judy…i am sure

keep at it Judy...i am sure you will master it with practice... warmly...raj..

16 years 1 month ago

thanks raj

the hardest bit is now where i have to concentrate to get the step/STEP/step/STEP/step/STEP meter lol judy

R

15 years 11 months ago

i do know that its popular

i do know that its popular form of poetry...when you get a hang of it be my tutor ok?... whatever a sonnet is...you have used the medium of poetry to steam off the feeling of hurt and i hope you felt more at ease after writing this one... someone's pain is someone's gain...very true isn't it?... having said that...the hurt is there because of true love...else it would have been much easier to pass it off as a flirting experience... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...

15 years 11 months ago

hi raj

they are great fun to try if you're serious check out rob's work - he's the resident sonneteer here that i know of - especially check out his latest 'love' one - can't remember the name - it is near perfect form as far as my knowledge goes as for this one here - it was done tongue in cheek really - sonnets are supposed to be love poems so this was an attempt at satire kind of - 'true love' through the eyes of a 13 year old..... thanks for coming back love judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

15 years 11 months ago

rob graber

poem - on absent-minded kiss - http://www.neopoet.com/node/42265 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

R

15 years 11 months ago

Hello again Judy

nice of you to provide me link to the work of this Rob supposed to be having a command on Sonnets..i will check that out for sure... you say this write of yours was about "true love through the eyes of a 13 year old"...13 being the first year of teens the feelings of love are supposed to start blooming...so were you reminiscing about judy@age13 or was it through imagination of what it would be for a girl@age13?...either way its very good...i dunno why you say it is a sattire... thank you for the link to Rob's write.. love...raj (sublime_ocean)

15 years 11 months ago

thanks raj

i supposes satire is probably the wrong word just a bit of fun with how i hear 13year olds speaking you know 'i saw him first' 'she stole him off of me' and 'í'm gunna dump him' (all for the sake of this so called 'truerlove') lol judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

15 years 11 months ago

thanks raj

i supposes satire is probably the wrong word just a bit of fun with how i hear 13year olds speaking you know 'she stole him off of me' and 'í'm gunna dump him' (all for the sake of this so called 'true love') lol judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html

15 years 11 months ago

I liked it!

I liked it!

15 years 11 months ago

thanks elizabeth

love to you judy xxxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html