pink straight jacket

words I listen for,
 i type
well up from the nothingness
behind my brow

sitting, waiting
scraching my chin
I find I have issues
with scratching again

I spell it out once,
type and carry on
then on review
I realise scratching is wrong.

 how could it be
that scratching is wrong
it feels really good
if not done too long.

misspelling is one thing
to a degree.
when you receive the look,
you know,
you cannot scratch free.

the rules of this game
put me to shame
my mask I must wear
a particular way

everything appears
to be in the right space
dont tip the boat
or look out of place

I do feel awkward
in my pink straight jacket
I wonder if everyone knows
I feel naked.

how can I still act this way
for god sakes
grow up man
 your turning gray

the difference now
 from being a teen
I really laugh hard
at how absurd
I  am being

to think
my life could be half over
and I still act like I care
about what everyones thinking

jesus that stinks
Im not talking about
the one I let rip
Thats another no no
that comes with the look

influenced am I
by people and peers
(a line for yoda, hold your guffaws)
i still try to conform to my parents ideals.

Im trying to wean myself from this affliction
and find the creative act a welcome addition
to the tool kit Im acquiring
to follow my art

this process is
actually opening me up

hopeful
of where I  will end
on my list
this is what it reads

an open loving heart
living life and rearing to go

gentle quiet precious moments
raucous riotous energetic
rambunctious

most of all
top of the list
being me
inside my own flesh.
YES.