STILL LIFE

Faded colours of sepiabent cornersreflecting backprojectionsof a life no longerworth livingbutstill life slow death -the magnificient magnifiyer of inconsequential minutiae, which tie up the loose endsof our timein knotsand why nots. Seductive sequeleathe unintended, unamendedevidence of living,or just barely living,alongside the vibrantly alive.In stark contrast, this passive, impotent, lacklustre
Life.... BjR 11 April 2010 pl. se·quel·ae (-kwěl'ē)A secondary consequence or result.

— Bonitaj, Apr 11, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

Arrow

16 years 1 month ago

Clever

& in some places a little too self-consciously clever. For me, the alliteration is a little too much, esp. in the first two lines of stanza 3. I found the 3rd stanza a little weak. I think it's the last two lines. I feel hit over the head with the message you've already made well. The first stanza is great and capable of standing alone.

Bonitaj

16 years 1 month ago

wow!

strong feedback, well taken. I think I perhaps over-indulged my wallowing a little and that is what you've picked up on. It'll be interesting to see how others find it. This is just how it came to me sitting at the screen. Thanks for the input. Another work in progress ;) CHeers Bonita j

Arrow

16 years 1 month ago

Meant to be helpful, not hurtful.

You strike me as psychologically well-equipped to handle it. I enjoy coming back to read others' comments. It's always interesting to see what what others thought. We shall see what we shall see!

Bonitaj

16 years 1 month ago

indeed

none taken! Thanks - you hit the mark with your arrow! Cheers Boni

Nordic cloud

16 years 1 month ago

The stillness of Sunday's vacant stare.

Ann of Norway worth living..............up to here I like this simplicity. but.....................I would cut these two lines out not needed. still life......................" "and what nots"....................oh no, not this line in something felt, its too flippant(perhaps not quite the word. "In stark contrast,..............could we imagine this line? this passive, impotent, lacklustre".............now there could be a better ending I feel one that has impact. Life…. Not sure of the title fitting this either, one thinks of a painting of Still Life and it isn't as rich as that. The stillness of Sunday's vacant stare could be expressed more intensely somehow I think Bonni, this little neat poem has many elements I like in it, and I love its shortness like a tiny piece of sepia-edged paper floating in the haze of the room, the light of the sun, of the religious dust, the actual dust, down, down, down to the floor where it lies, still, so terribly still and frightening. Is that what you were wanting to express? That's my feeling anyway dear sweet Bonni, love from Ann.

Bonitaj

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Ann

from so far away! THanks so much for all your input. Couple of things to respond. Have to leave in the Still Life - i.e. a life not worth living but Still (a) life! ;) also changed the 'what nots' to 'Why nots" hope that creates a better effect. liked your final description a great deal. Yes there is that element of falling down, and the stillness of life - but I think I wanted it more on the word play of Life - good or bad - is still LIFE! Thanks again Boni

Seren

16 years 1 month ago

Dear Boni

I like all the advice given above ... I will watch the edits on this one love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x (http://www.neopoet.com/forum/36627-meet-n-greet-live-chat-thurs-apr-15th-9-11-pm-ny-est-host-poewriter58-welcome-new-member#comment-175177) ... Be there ~!~!~!

loved

16 years 1 month ago

nice

very nice loved