xena465

Apr 10, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Snowflake

The snow coated my tranquil being

raining flakes softly rested on me

Shrouded in white, standing still

`I welcomed escape, an oasis to be`.

I opened my snow-lid covered eyes

and followed a swirling snowflake

Colder than cold, numb; frozen

`I dreamed a dream while awake`.

Rapt by the flake, pure as a virgin

a picture formed that couldn’t be?

I saw a table surrounded with children

`one of them looked like me`.

I was young, sheltered in love

happier than I’ve been in a while

I knew the people that laughed with me

`a time in life when I used to smile`

The image diminished, I tried to focus

if only the vision could last forever

I saw my family, mum and dad

`a distant memory invoking a shiver`

My magic snowflake began to fade

melting and merging with the snow

Gone was the magnificent epitome

`just like the family I used to know`.

— xena465, Apr 10, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Rosina

Loved your snowflake poem but the first verse wasnt gelling for me ... The snow coated my tranquil being like a statue of white stood in status Raining flakes rested on me `I welcomed the stillness of oasis`. the second line you have statue and the at the end of the line you have status ... for me they are saying the same thing twice ... and the last line needs to be reworked its not holding together for me all in all a lovely write just that first stanza needs some work love and hugs JayCee

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

I didn’t realise that it

I didn't realise that it meant the same thing. I've edited it. I hope this makes more sense. If Not...feel free to let me know. Thanks JayCee Rosina xena465

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Rosina

I think the change you have made is much better. Loved the imagery. Always, Cat

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks Cat.Rosina xena465

Thanks Cat. Rosina xena465

judyanne

16 years 2 months ago

beautiful rosina

i love it, so melancholic xxx love judy

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

If only we could go back in

If only we could go back in time for real, but dreams, are the next best thing. Thanks Judy. Rosina xena465

yenti

16 years 2 months ago

Rosina

A lovely piece that tempted the thoughts to reside within ones self, then to be drawn into memories of a child where love also resided, have played with the words of the first stanza as below, as the second line to me made no sense, as it was going to be if shroud was used, cannot find the link twix status and statue, but am open to explaination, anyway have played and my song may be wrong see what you think, there is another star awaiting, but will await the next works of yours, Yours Ian.T The snow coated my tranquil being shroud in white, stood in status (shrouded in white, standing as a statue) Raining flakes rested (softly) on me `I welcomed escape into the oasis`.(I welcomed escape, an oasis to be)

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Your suggestion sounds so

Your suggestion sounds so much better. I've edited it. Thanks a lot Yenti. Rosina xena465

yenti

16 years 1 month ago

Rosina

The thoughts were there it was just a glitch where the words wouldn't come through, I am so glad that I could see the words you were looking for, Yours as always, Ian.T

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Thanks Ian. I appreciate

Thanks Ian. I appreciate any help from you. I need it at times when it comes to some meanings and words. That's how I progress and learn. Cheers. Rosina xena465

Nordic cloud

16 years 2 months ago

Oh Rosina the Snow Princess

Ann of Norway Dreaming yourself into the past with a Hans Christian Andersen-like fairy tale of a poem, you taste and touch and take our minds to childhood where happy you sigh with the sheer joy of existence, even the coldness of the snow cannot melt your memories. Very beautiful dear Rosina, love from Ann.

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you so much. You’re

Thank you so much. You're so sweet and kind my dear Ann of Norway. The Princess of Nature. Rosina xena465

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Snowflake's and dreams well remembered

Great one Xena and late to the party. I too, related with your poem and I loved the imagery it painted in my mind. I too, remember the snowflake and the times in a dream when it was one time so real. this one brang me back in the days of old and youth for sure. great job Rosalina my friend. So glad to see you back. Love, Mona xoox Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

In my imagination the single

In my imagination the single large snowflake took on the form of a small picture screen,you know the type that used to be rolled down to watch a film in the classroom? Thanks for really lovely comment Mona. Rosina xena465

dhruv

16 years 1 month ago

moving.. i love what i see!

moving.. i love what i see! the imagery is inexplicably perfect :)

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

Lovely compliment dhruv.

Lovely compliment dhruv. Thank you very much. Rosina xena465

Mariposa

16 years 1 month ago

Yes, snow princess, an apt description

A very magical poem, I loved the structure of three lines then a line to yet another poem, a poem within a poem, very intriguing! it left me with a feeling of peace and images of the sparkling of snow... Hugs, Jhena

xena465

16 years 1 month ago

I’m glad you like it

I'm glad you like it Jhena. Thank you very much for great comment. Rosina xena465

sunscreen

16 years 1 month ago

I love the poem, but I’ve

I love the poem, but I've had my fill on snow here in Utah, we've had too much! the sun needs to melt all the snow on the mountains, and spring needs to be in bloom.

xena465

16 years 1 month ago