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The Marine

As i lie here,
In this long forgoten place,
I realize i must look queer,
With this smile upon my face,
My blood has soaked the ground,
My rivers course run out,
But in this hour i have found,
Not one reason to sit and pout,
For all of those who came before,
And all of those to follow,
Destined are we now to soar,
To our families greater sorrow,
We've died on the shores of tripoli,
And one day maybe even mars,
We've died so you could say your free,
In each and every conflict of ours,
To the families of the few,
Do not cry for us,
'Cause we did not mean to cause this fuss,
Tell dad i'll miss the fishin,
But the trout are great up here,
Tell mom i'll miss her kitchen,
But please don't shed a tear,
For i'll be always watchful,
And i'll see you when you get here.
— zjeakin, Apr 09, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Crawford, Colorado

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe

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Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Cowboy

I think this write shows a lot of potential I ahve done a small edit to show you a different format that i think will be kinder to the write and a couple of word changes to make the flow a little more smoother As i lie here, In this long forgoten place, I realize i must look queer, With this smile upon my face My blood has soaked the ground, its rivers course run out, --- my ... [its] in this hour i have found, Not one reason to sit and pout For all of those who came before, of those poor souls we follow, Destined are we now to soar, To our families greater sorrow, We died on the shores of tripoli, And one day maybe mars, We’ve died so you could say your free, In each and every hour To the families of the few, Do not cry for us, ‘Cause we did not mean to cause this fuss, Tell dad i’ll miss the fishin, the trout are great up here, Tell mom i’ll miss her kitchen, But please don’t shed a tear, For i’ll be always watchful, And i’ll see you when you get here I really think you need one more last line to finish this off with the couplets intact and the ending of your last line can be changed to mean the same thing and in doing so make it easier to create another line for the ending ... I was a little harsh in the edit but I just wanted to show you what could be done You can keep any of it or ignore all of it lol its your baby after all Kind regards Jayne-Chloe