Through a Child's Eyes

She awakes to look out at the garden,
Through the eyes of a child,
Taking in the beauty,
As it has all gone wild.
To a Mother,
All she sees is weeds,
Choking the flowers,
Begging to be released.
To a child, it's a delight.
You see, this is where
the fairies play,
Weaving, dancing,
Day by day.
But as an adult,
Mother can no longer see,
The fairies playing,
In between you and me.
She'll see but a blur,
It must be a bug of course,
No more discussion,
This conversation has run it's course.
But as she walks inside,
She glances back,
Remembering the time
she saw fairies, in the garden out back.

— artygirl87, Apr 05, 2010

About the Author

Country/Region: AUS

Critiques

Mark

16 years 3 months ago

Where does it go?

I like the title suggesting adults need to look through other perspectives to "smell the roses" but I'm not sure being an adult takes it away. Adult seems to be about communicating. I think attitude or how we view things is what can change our perspectives. The pace is fine for me. I love the theme. Nice tie from beginning to end. Great writing ! Truly, Mark Resilient Flexibility

weirdelf

16 years 3 months ago

Love this and still live it.

Now some simple crit on form and wordchoice, only suggestions. the line- It looks quite a fright, sounds a tad 19C, like Alice in Wonderland, perhaps intentional but I would rather see this poem through a currently living child's eyes. A stanza break would be good after the line- To a child, it’s a delight. The last 2 lines lack oomph to me, the mother should do more than just remember, she should feel something. Be careful of stretching for rhyme, say what you mean and for poetic form try half rhymes or alliteration or assonance if the rhyme doesn't come naturally. Cheers, Jess, “The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue.” Emma Goldman