Seren

Apr 05, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

the saddest smile

I watched as reason
drained your face,
frowns cracked
to reveal a single tear
buried under the layers

I witnessed as the dye
dripped off the cuff
twin splashes of blue
scarred my cornea's

I prayed as the colour
drained from your mouth,
as its corners
found the downturn

I cry as you dance
to nightshade,

always believing
the rhythm
would bring you back

and smiling in Technicolour

— Seren, Apr 05, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne

I witnessed as the dye dripped off the cuff twin splashes of blue scarred my cornea’s I have to admit, I don't understand this verse. Could you help me to comprehend its meaning? I find the rest of the poem, meaningful and a bit melancholy. Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Cat

That stanza you pointed out ... I was trying to say that the colour was draining out leaving no colour eg. white its a little melancholy I agree thanks for the comment love JayCee x x x

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne

Thank you for the explanation. It is a lovely poem. Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you Cat you know I am

Thank you Cat you know I am always happy when you like them (hugs) thats never gonna change love JayCee x x x

yenti

16 years 2 months ago

Young Lady

Have you done away with someone with the Deadly Nightshade or as cat have I missed something or someone as there is no cure for such a crime and if it be a styranger that passed you way you may be found not guilty at the hearing LOL. You take care out there it reminded me of mine with the Sardonic smile from Cyanide, Yours Ian.T PS:- There again it could be the decription of a clown that has shed a tear and it is hiding under his sad made up face please do tell what it is ??????

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Ian

back in the day Pierrot clowns wore white and had a single tear rolling down their faces ... you got it in one I wondered if anyone would get the reference lol Yaaaaaaaaaay you made my day thank you so much for the comment the nightshade is in a couple of fantasy books I have,its decribed as a nectar of the fae folk ... so I gave my clown nightshade to drink and dance the saddest dance with the saddest smile love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

yenti

16 years 2 months ago

Young Lady

That was the picture I had in mind, I have been known to paint on glass and as stained glass is one of them I have painted this young Sad clown, the layers of colour that is applied to make a change in colour or to bring dimention to the thing was as you said in the poem, the tear being under another translusent layers as if it had become part of her soul (however you spell) I love painting on glass but have neglected it for a long time now, you see I have sold pictures and been printed is there no end to my bits LOL and if my head itches you may scratch it as it passes by lol, mind you I probably have help with seeing some of the things in writing, as the children dance in the morning sunshine calling Yellow out to me across the void......??? , You take care and have a lovely evening, Yours as always Ian.T

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Ian,One big lesson I learnt

Ian, One big lesson I learnt since I have been here is there are writes where you can be cryptic as all hell and get away with it but sometimes I try to be too clever and in doing so leave the reader totally out of the loop lol this is a fine line I am still learning and when i posted this one i was worried I had not given anough clues as to the colour white etc ... but I am glad you could see it you are a clever and very busy man I always appreciate your thoughts ... good too see you will be emailing you before bed tonight love JayCee

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Jayne

Was this of one so dears passing by chance, that is what I got from it. Let me know if I am right and it is a sad but true poetic piece of yours. Love Mona Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Noone passed Mona this is

Noone passed Mona this is about a Pierrot clown and his sad smiles in the parody of the dance glad you liked this one I appreciate the comment and the fact you read into it to try and see where I was going keep the good work up your crits will only benefit love JayCee

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

This is so lovely JayCee. I

This is so lovely JayCee. I liked the expression of the downturn mouth...a sign of much sadness. The stanza that Cat mentioned, my impression of this was the dye running from the material of the cuff mixed with the clear tears. Rosina xena465

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Rosina

You got that verse exactly as I meant it to be read bleeding the colour out leaving him white ... and this is about a pierrot clown the saddest smile glad you enjoyed it hun and thanks so much for your wonderful comment love and hugs JayCee x x x

loved

16 years 2 months ago

REVISED OPINION

commment deleted hope it covers up my unintended ignorance as it appears i just had butt in . UNKNOWINGLY loved

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Loved

I speak on noones behalf this is about a pierrot clown lol so I am not sure what your comment refers to ... to be honest I am a little confused this poem is fiction not fact, made up in my own little mind lol love JayCee P.S I cannot delete comments from my profile only you can edit them or someone higher up remove them

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Ephy

So glad you got it and I am even happier you liked it thanks for the visit and comment love and hugs JayCee x x

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne

I am changing my vote to five stars, since the fault was mine, not yours. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

No fault I recently had to

No fault I recently had to ask for explanation Cat thanks for the Stars even your words are my stars I always appreciate your reads and insight love JayCee x x