God Tells Me That This Tale Is True

God Tells Me That This Tale Is True

God by Himself, He sat one day
Divining all the misery
That was the lot of earthly folk
And so devised a brilliant plan

"I'll send Myself in manly seed
Into an unsuspecting host
And have it claimed as prophecy
This will remove all confusion

Then I shall vanish from the scene
For thirty years or nearly so
And re-appear with slight fanfare
To feed the poor and heal the sick.

And in a span of fleeting days
I will incur great wrath and hate
And thus will I identify
Those damned for all eternity.

This does not seem a great plan yet
But there is more, I trust in Me,
For now begins the great reward
Follow along as I explain.

I see these pesky festivals
All through the year and so I think,
It's time I claimed them for My own
Why share credit where it is due?

On Winter Solstice, I was born
Give or take some 90 days
I am certain no one will mind
If I covet this holiday

And I can see that down the years
Eggs and rabbits are just the thing
To pillage the Spring Equinox
From Pagan Attis unto Me

What do I think I asked of me
Of such a plan as I've devised?
Am I impressed and greatly awed
At the inerrant subtlety

I like this plan said Jesus Me
Just how shall I initiate?
Well first You get nailed to a cross . . .
And Jesus shouted; WHAT THE FUCK!"

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I read that this, Easter-ish time, was the season for religious poems, so I wrote one.

To get the poetical parts out of the way, this is tetrameter blank verse.  It is a form in which I am comfortable and lends structure to a poem that would otherwise appear to ramble even more than this does.

I have worked a few hours on this and have made some changes from the original structure and had to abandon some ideas that I may go back and use in a different effort.  No doubt I will be updating this poem over the next few days but I wanted to get it submitted in time for the indicated season. 

The inspiration for this poem was the flip side of "God Loves Me Best."  In that piece I took the attitude of a self-righteous prick and drew on my experience with the  type.  This piece is more parody than satire and so will, no doubt, be more offensive to some people, especially the last line.

If anyone desires to scream and yell at me, please do so via PM so I can block you forever.  If you hate what I have written here, ignore it or go write your own damn poem.  I will not report any personal attacks to the AEC, I will just respond in a manner, within the community guidelines, that makes you so angry your start spitting bone.

And to set the record straight, I am a Christian, but as I believe faith is a personal decision I cannot be offended by attacks against or opinions about my faith.  If you find my poem has offended your faith, the issue is that you are insecure because God, the being who defined the Universe, does not care one bit about silly words from a cantankerous old man.

I know this because God Tells Me That This Tale Is True.