His Face

I loved the image this poem conjures in my head. I like the brevity of this poem as well. I also like the way the poem sort of slows down when the man stands back to ponder. That could have just been the way I read it, but I'd like to think you intended it ;). I have a couple of suggestions as well, all pertaining to stanza one because I think it needs some reworking for clarity. I think a word, perhaps 'waiting', should be added before 'in a store' and I also think 'a store' should be 'the store'. Then I think the 'was' should be moved up and put between 'frail' and 'the' on line one. So the first stanza would read "Frail was the man/waiting in the store". I think that takes away from the brevity/pace of the poem a little bit, but at the same time I don't think clarity and flow should be jeopardized in order to make a poem as short and intense as possible. What do you think? Maybe you could take my idea run in some other direction with it? Kelsey

the image. This is wee but on a large scale. I quite enjoyed this. Love Lyz. XX

and if he ever slips through in front of me I am following him ;) wonderful poem... bravo ~! love and hugs JayCee