Seren

Mar 30, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Atomic Faults

Your cupped hands
held a globe, and

when your fingers
slackened,
I fell away to
darkness, feeding
on plankton,
gasping air
through a thousand
miles of sand,
the sadness thundered
against chambers
of my heart
threatening to
wash the flotsam
of me away

But I held fast
I am more than
chambers of flesh
and blood,
in the minute
particles that
makes up the magic
that is me

the cracks of my faults
splinter my nuclei
as I explode into strings

— Seren, Mar 30, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne

I love the water references but my favorite lines are: But I held fast I am more than chambers of flesh and blood, in the minute particles that makes up the magic that is me Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Cat

Thanks for the comment those lines you picked are some of my favourites as well its funny i am an earth sign but love the water lol go figure lvoe and hugs JayCee x x

The Seeker

16 years 2 months ago

Wonderful

the strenght to cope the beauty of life itself deep and meaningfull thought . Wish you have a nice day . Love ,Light and Harmony The Seeker

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Seeker

thank you so much for your very kind comment it is much appreciated I hope your having a wonderful day love and light to you also JayCee

point.of.redemption

16 years 2 months ago

wow!

i love it! i especially love how u described that u R more than tiny atoms joined together! reminds me of one of Dinesh D'Souza's chapters' title: The Ghost in the Machine: Why Man is More than Matter. or something like that :p anyways, great poem :)

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear P.O.D

Thanks for your comment, I love thinking of new things i can turn myself into lol Glad you enjoyed it love JayCee

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Annie

thank you kindly for your comment so happy you liked it love JayCee

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne, Lovely Write

Sounded a bit sad but explosive, no pun. And yes, you are magic. Lyz. XX

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Lyz

That line came from a comment someone made to me here ... and it was the essense of the poem the rest grew around it ... thanks for the lovely comment ... Jades sitting in the loungeroom just feed them lol omg 10 wks to go I lost a couple of weeks somewhere ... ok now I am soooo excited seeing her lol cant wait for this baby to be born this family needs some good news ;) love and hugs JayCee

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

Lol

Getting as bad as you, leaving and forgetting to log out. Anyway, wonderful poetry dear girl. Say hi to the guys for me and did Jade tell you about her sugars, worried me, been there done that. We will get it sorted, yep, not long now. Cant wait. I hope they are behaving, lol, or should I ask that of you,lol. Love to all. Lyz. XX

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Great poem JC

I really liked this one JC and I felt it in me also as you wrote it. Good job here aussie lady Love, Magics02 Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Mona

Glad you liked this one Mona ...I am very pleased it touched you love JayCee x x

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Licia

I understand and thanks for taking the time to read this one ... glad you enjoyed it thanks for the pretties and the bonus stars, you know Seren in welsh means Star lol didnt know that till after I picked it,I wanted serendipity lol love and big hugs JayCee

judyanne

16 years 2 months ago

o jc this is so beautiful

the cracks of my faults splinter my nuclei as I explode into strings i so love this poem. judy

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Judd

Thanks so much for the comment I am sorry to be slow in answering been really busy this week for a change lol so happy you liked this one hope you like the next its a naughty one lmao ;) love and big hugs my aussie mate Jayne-Chloe OI OI OI ~!

Esker

16 years 2 months ago

This is creative

in depth and exploration of words and thoughts following your path flow of poetic dance Esker~

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Esker

Wink I am still trying to work out the steps but the dance is in my heart thank you for the visit my friend good to see you round (hugs) love JayCee x x x

Nordic cloud

16 years 2 months ago

This Is the magic that is you Jayne

Ann of Norway This oscillating foam of bubbling globes bursting and spraying their air that becomes heavy enough to descend slowly through the fathoms of the sea and sand, you hear as you go the thunder of the waves against land, safety, an anchor to reality- I will say no more just that I loved its journey as aye Jayne. Love Ann

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Ann

I love how you weave your own images from my words for me thats the greatest gift anyone could give me thank you for that and for everytime you've spun your loom on my page you my dear are inspiration :) love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe

seabhac

16 years 2 months ago

Fresh perspective

My favourite lines were Your cupped hands held a globe, and when your fingers slackened, I fell away to darkness, Thought that was the strongest part of the poem. Seabhac

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Liz

This is a fresh look at something a kind of acceptance in it ... thanks for your comment Liz those words you picked are some of my favourites in this one love and big hugs JayCee x x

partacidcharm

16 years 2 months ago

this is beautiful. strong

this is beautiful. strong imagery. i especially like the last line "as i explode into strings". :)

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear M

that last line is meant to suggest something else other than strings of matter ... as I explode into strings is a reference to violins lol very obscure I know but it had meaning in my mind kind regards JayCee

partacidcharm

16 years 2 months ago

it's funny...

it's funny because that is what i pictured when i read it- well not violin strings, but guitar strings breaking.