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artygirl87
artygirl87
Mar 30, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

What I'd Give For You

I'd give you my freedom,

I'd give you my hope,

I'd give you anything,

If it helped you cope.

I'm sorry if I danced in your heart,

Poisoned your mind,

I wanted to give you the love,

You wanted to find.
— artygirl87, Mar 30, 2010

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Country/Region: AUS

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Critiques

L

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Arty girl

To give, yes, how often has one been down this path. I did stumble over line 5 though, I have no suggestions though, but maybe just a tweak will give it a lift. Otherwise, it read well. Lyz. XX
S

Skybones777

16 years 2 months ago

HiYa

this is a good start is there a part 2? PeAcE ...LatRe8^)
Mark

Mark

16 years 1 month ago

hi ..Girl

I like this poem. I think the title makes it work. The iamb is well employed for a good taste the lines roll off quite nice :) The theme is of love in it's way and is a nice approach imo A suggestion may be to find another word for one of the two my(s) in the first two lines but they may get along with the title :~) truly, Mark Resilient Flexibility