All Around the World - Comment If You Dare...............................

From the East to the West side
Up North and Down south

I've released my beast to all sides
From bein' short around 3 foot 11 talkin' shit out the mouth

Startin' in Londin' pleased to confide by
Chillin' on the couch

Machin' where my greased wheeles on my ride
took me by my mom in 'er blouse

Laupin' when I peaced I fly
my moms couldn't wait to hit the ground

Taskin' I cried
while flyin' all around

Graspin'
I live in the States ties now

Crakin' when I realise my home is lie
Time to move towns

Baskin' in sorrow on the way to Mowscow Russia with crime
But looks so sound

Askin' When can I shine
with no frown?

Realix' for two years until its time to grind
To Canada I go - still not grown

Crackin' at first to realise I love this find
So I'll chill untill the end of my time shown what I can know to glow

— mdehe, Mar 27, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Mark

16 years 2 months ago

Matty..

Why would I not comment? Or anyone? Your title seems fitting taking that you have done all the traveling mentioned. It really was not so much an experience for me though for some it may be. Certainly you I think. Maybe put more of awareness into it I'm thinking, something to really grasp onto. Londin' I'm not so sure about that in regards to pacing and I needed to stop at many of those words, others may not. Traveling heavy may be an ok theme depending on how it is presented I think. I found the ideas difficult but that's just me. I think you may be attempting to put too much in a concentration here imo. good luck with this, matty, Mark Resilient Flexibility

mdehe

16 years 2 months ago

thanks you.

i put comment because no one ever comments on my poems so i never know if they suck ass or not. so i really apprciate your critisism and will try to take it all into account.