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Seren
Seren
Mar 26, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Unspeakable sin

Ive listened to darkness
for eons,
as the lightning strikes
a hammer
the Iron monger cries
of innocence
a March to war begins

A King tears a flag
to tatters,
handing soldiers
a piece each
of the next generation
in warfare,
what they will die for?

Mighty Leaders
bequeath our bloodlines
to an early grave
for what?
money and glory?,
land rights ?
or just plain greed

days of not so long ago
wars fought
were of honour,
in dignity and freedom

These are now just
a history in my memory,
listing to fade

Hate and greed
lust and wraith
bleed the veins
of our future 

and we let them
 

— Seren, Mar 26, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Mr Peoms

This is a personal write, I appreciate your comment thank you so much for taking the time to read love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

So true so true

Hit this one on a nail, for sure and it is all politically correct Lovely gal and how is it going with your book work? Love Mona xoooxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Mona

thanks for the read and the comment much appreciated ... book deal is coming along looking at art for the cover atm Love and hugs Jayne-Chloe
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

I feel that most wars that

I feel that most wars that are faught today are not in honour. Your poem rings true to me Jayne. Rosina xena465
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Rosina

This is the first of three I have written on war ... the other two arent done yet but this broke the seal you could say thanks for the read and the comment I do appreciate it love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
loved

loved

16 years 2 months ago

Please pardon me

I thought history in memory Would become a double superlative If history were left alone Also memory of greed These guys disown Then why have an Army? Of that I am yet unbeknown. So as long as lust for power Ah! Greed for about anything survives Man shall sting the others like bees And not be sweet like butterflies. This is just a simple thought of mine. Leave it in the garbage bin of memory That I shall not mind. Here you are the greatest poetess I’ve observed Praises for you also I’ve heard. Loved
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Loved

The history in memory ... is my memory, history becomes just that in memories unfortunately I have a long history of family in war ... I understand some of your points but this is a personal point of view and it doesnt make it right just makes it mine thanks for your concerted read I do appreciate it love Jayne-Chloe
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 2 months ago

your usual expressive write

but i can see the subject is difficult for you personally as you said. i don't know that wars were fought for dignity and freedom at any time even the ones in history they tell us were for those reasons can still be seen to relate to politics, religion or finance it's only the soldier who is brainwashed (the spartans, the romans, our anzacs, iraqi terrorists, etc.) love judd xxx
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Judd

This is in homage to my grandfather who fought in WW2 and served in the Korean war ... My mentioning dignity and honour and freedom was a direst quote from him ... he and my uncle would sit around at family gatherings and reminise about the wars they fought in ... when they enlisted they where fighting for country and freedom and they both carried with them great dignity till the both left us ... when my grandfather went to war in 1941 believed that our country was under threat and needed good men to defend it I come from a long line of Army/navy/Airforce and my son soon goes into the army in seven weeks ... this is my way of expressing my fear I guess I agree with you that some soldiers are brainwashed but I also believe its a choice in some cases ... a choice to stand for what they believe doesnt matter that we dont agree its what they believe that counts in the end thanks for the read and the comment hun this is a tough subject for me love and hugs Jayne-Chloe
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Yes Seren

My father too served in the Korean War and many of my family members also. I have heard all the stories some I wish I never heard but thank God for the stories, My father just recently opened up to talk about things in the war that he never talked about and I could tell how it affected him so with his health and all. Nowadays our men and women are not only coming home with PSTD bu a host of disabilities along with alot of mental problems that they had to go through. When my son talks of joining the Marines my stomach falls out and I try not to show it as he talks of it. And of course my dad being so close to him for helpin me out with him when he was a baby almost crys when he says I don't want Joey to go over there. I tell him I know Dad, me too but I will support him and die at the same time inside. I hate to even hear of a draft or sort since my other nephew and Joey are the age that could happen. I just pray about it anyhow and will deal with it or not deal with it shall he choose to go. I know war will always be with us a sad thing, and maybe on a negative note, I doubt in my life time there will ever be true peace in the world. There is much hatred even with the people who hate living here and want to destroy us, so it all is uneasy to see and I always say love the ones your with, spend time with them the most you can and let go of the things we can not change that is out of our immediated reach. I appreciate your poem JC and I will pray for your boy also as he serves his country, I know how you must be feeling inside as his mother. How old is he if I may ask. He is going to basic training first right? Oh JC you got alot on your plate my friend and like myself we reach in here with our poetry to ease all the stresses away as this is our time to do the thing we love to do and that is to write. Sorry so long I just felt this poem and loved the story you told to Judd Love You Sister In Christ Mona xoxoxoxoxo
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Mona

I remember a Xmas I think I was about five i was asleep on the lounge and my GF went screaming through the house yelling about invading forces ... his exact words I wont repeat here as some would find them offensive but ...he was dreaming the horrors of war ... He never glorified war told it as it was senseless but still at the time they thought it was the only thing they could do ... he was a Chief ambulance officer till his retirement ... in his later years he would often say that the reasons for War(in his eyes) had changed so drastically but still encouraged my cousins and entended family to join the forces if that was their wish ... He was also Mason and respected by all who knew him I still miss his guidance to this day My son is 19 nearly 20, number two son ... he got accepted into a select branch of the service ... and the training he starts is not normal basic training ... I worry for him but we cannot live our lives for our kids at the end of the day I support whatever choices he makes but that doesn't mean I have to like them My uncle fought in the Battle of Long Tan ... my great Uncle fought in Europe WW1... my cousin is serving in Iraq also one of our closest friends is in the Tank Corps over there at the moment ... there are very few wars my family haven't been involved with ... Just a subject I find hard to write as it hits home for me on so many levels ,.. and in different ways thanks for your kind comment Mona love and hugs JayCee
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Yes I can see why

You do have alot of history also and family members who served. I hear what you say about your boy, must be special forces, I know a few in there also, and it is quite different indeed. I bet you have a photo album of all of it to share with the kids. I will pray for your boy and now also I support my son shall he decide to join. My stomach may not take it too good but if he wants to serves his country I will stand proudly beside him like you are doing now with you son. Blessings to you Seren and I know all will be fine. Love You and care also Mona xoxoxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Mona

Not photos but I have a framed copy of my grandfathers service record above my head ... to always remind me who I am and where I come from, if ever I loose my way ... I am proud of what my family have done in service of our country but I hate that they had to do it ... respecting them and liking it are two different things ... thanks for the comment Mona Love JayCee
M

magics02

16 years 2 months ago

Seren

It did go through I thought I lost it and thank goodness it did talk to you soon aussie lady I am here for you anytime to talk to always xoxoooxox
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 2 months ago

JC xxx

i in no way meant any disrespect for any soldier. many of my family were in the services too - my cousin came back from vietnam a mental wreck - has never really fully recovered. in fact for the fact that i live in an environment that is relatively safe and relatively free from oppression i am very grateful to each and every one. over the years i have never missed an anzac day service - i went even as a child - and have organised a few at work. i have always had tears on the day and the greatest respect for the soldiers and what they believed. i was really having a take at the brainwash that used to happen - i don't think it is as bad now. i wonder if the youth of our generation would 'go over the top' if galipoli happened today. is you son going into the SAS - will that mean he'll come over here to Swanbourne? i know a couple of guys there. love judd
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Judd

I know you meant no disrespect hun, those from Vietnam are scarred by horrors we couldnt imagine my Uncle has never been the same ... ANZAC day has always been a special day for our family ... honouring those who left and came back and those who never returned ... I realised where you were coming from I was just explaining my use of honour dignity and freedom ... in reality it wasnt my line they were my Pops words not mine he always spoke with such pride for serving his country and some of that rubbed off on me ... I believe war is a senseless waste of life and what I was trying to say with this piece ... at the end of it will PM you about Jake ... love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 2 months ago

Hey Seren!

Long time no see! You'll be the first to receive a critique from the one and only xDARKxPURPLEx on this new account! (mom made me delete the old one...long story) *drum roll* (LOL) So, I love the format and rhythm you start out with by having four words with five to six syllables on lines 1-3-5-7 and only two words with two to four syllables on lines 2-4-6. However, I'm not so sure how continuing that rhythm/form would work for the rest of the poem. It might be good to have more consistency throughout the poem, but it might not. Maybe you could even turn that into a new form of your own creation! Let me know if you try it! Next, there's something about "handing/a piece each/to warriors..." that sounds off. I tried reading those lines a number of different ways and I stumble every time. How about something like "handing a piece to each warrior..."? Other than that, I really love the sound of 'iron monger' and would suggestion going back over that grammar and spelling junk everyone hates passionately ;) It's good to read you again. Kelsey
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Kelsey

I had wondered what happened to you and after not seeing you for so long I had worried you wouldnt be back .... thanks for the crit hun I do appreciate it ... as this ones blank verse I dont stick to a certain syllable count it just writes how it writes I do agree with you on the second verse on the pieces of flag I ahve to edit that and fix it ... something didnt sit right with me last night but I thought eh fix it later ... I was just glad to finally get this one out Not sure what you menat about the Iron monger spelling etc will reread and make sure I havent stuffed up lol ... I am still half asleep just got up so my brains not in gear yet lmao love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe Kelsey welcome back lovely ~! so good to see you back around I could dance
Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 2 months ago

nothing is wrong with 'iron monger'

but there are other mistakes in mechanics. I guess I shouldn't have thrown those two statements into the same sentence. lol Kelsey
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Ephy

Thanks so much for your comment big smiles love and hugs Jayne-Chloe
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Pete

I was doing some research for someone else and come across a quote that my grandfather would use often on war ... he was a soldier during the war and then a peacekeeper in Japan under MacArthur ... he believed that they fought for King and country ... In times gone past the kings(and Queens) Mary of Scots being one who fought next to her men, fought for beliefs in religion,controversey in the inheritance of crowns and just plain greed .. but I believe there was a time that battles were fought with honour ... face to face man to man ... now cowards leave incendary devices for innocent men women and children to just trip over and die ... to me thats dirty fighting ...just my opinion and I love your suggestions on this one I will fix those lines in the edits they bothered me last night and I thought to fix them when inspiration hit me appreciate the read and the suggestions love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
M

Mariposa

16 years 2 months ago

So true

It's a great writer that can hit the nail on the head like that in a unique way, my friend! Wonderful, rich poetry as always. xoxo Jhena
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jhena

thanks for your very kind comment ... this ones a personal write and just my opinion I am glad that its touched others In Ink love JayCee
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dearest Jayne-Chloe

This is a very difficult subject for me as I don't believe in war. It is a very good poem and I'm sure that your Grandfather was a very good man who believed in what he was fighting for. In respect and love, Cat
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Cat

I hope my grandfather would have been proud of how far Ive come ... sometimes wish he was still around to see my writing ... he was an avid reader they both were him and Nana ... this one was hard thanks for your kind comment ... Love Jayne-Chloe
L

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne

Your Pa would be proud. Dear heart, wonderful poem. I thought I had commented but seems not. Take care love to all. XX
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Lyz

Thanks for the comment huni its been a mad house round here today ... oh and RSVP is yes for both bethany and I lol we both coming love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
sunscreen

sunscreen

16 years 2 months ago

I agree that we no longer

I agree that we no longer have any loyalty, or any cause to end countless lives, for what? Patriotism? No. Its all nationalism, and Imperialism. A kiloton blast that can destroy continents. We've gone too far ahead, I say we go back to swords, and shields, then its fair on all fields, and the better team wins.
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Oh that we could travel back

Oh that we could travel back in time Alex would be nice eh ?? I love history thanks for your wonderful comment it is much appreciated love JayCee Sorry to be slow answering been busy this week (hugs)
sunscreen

sunscreen

16 years 2 months ago

Its not a virtue just a

Its not a virtue just a state of mind. I wouldn't wait forever, but I think I can wait a couple days, on your behalf. :P
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Patience is a virtue Alex

Patience is a virtue Alex lol something my mind doesnt like being love and smiles Jaycee x x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

My mind doesnt like slowing

My mind doesnt like slowing down ;) theres a difference ... always going at a million miles an hour ... my whole life I rarely get more than four hours sleep ;) love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
seabhac

seabhac

16 years 2 months ago

There was something different about the dignity then

The men were proud and the war was their life and sadly for some their death. I cannot begin to understand what life in the trenches was like or in some great unknown jungle...So many lives have been touched and infected by war we need to know the stories of the human element to a face less war as so many have become in our time. In the telling of this their worth has been measured by us, you do them proud. Seabhac
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Liz

Thanks sooo much for your comment Liz you saw into what I was trying to say and have said it so beautifully thanks for the smile I needed one today he made me proud and still does you know, he didnt like what they had to do but he felt a deep abiding duty to his adopted country .. thats something that cant be brought loyalty and something that is fading into the past with most everything else love and hugs Jayne x x
M

mantiscepter

16 years 2 months ago

Wraiths

profound read, true through the generations. today as we write. this being axiomatic. We need not to accept what is, and remember to exercise our rights. if not we lose them. good write love John.
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear John

Thank you kindly for your comment its appreciated ... remembering to exercise our rights instead of sitting back and hoping for the best is the key ;) love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 2 months ago

Cry of pain Jayne

Ann of Norway And what do we do about it? Nothing. As you say here. Our society needs a complete change of philosophy, not wars; but it doesn't know how to go about it and those with the most power wield their power as a given. it is always the way with human beings, tied up in their memory knots of ignorance and greed. You make me feel deeply sad at the world, in the world, surrounded by the world, stuck to the world and still helpless, and even now when we can put the globe, our precious singular globe in our sights from space we still don't know how to respect her spinning here forever as far as we who are alive are concerned!!! Big sigh Jayne, big sigh, we are our own worst enemies aren't we though? Ann with Love.
Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

I ahve said before and upset

I ahve said before and upset people here saying it ... but I am going to repeat it ... We are parasites subsisting on the face of this planet we are chewing her up at an alarming rate, one day when she stops spinning ... we will stupidly ask why ?? love to you dear Ann as aye Jayne x x x x